Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Twas the Night Before Christmas....

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Every creature was stirring, including a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
But only lumped coal will be found in there.

The children refuse to stay in their beds,
And visions of candy float through their heads.
Dad’s still at work and the baby’s in my lap,
But what I long is to take a long nap.

With all of these cookies I seem to be fatter,
But honestly, really, does it even matter?
Away to the kitchen, I fly like a flash,
To put all these cookies and sweets in the trash!

The moon is so bright and I am still hot,
For it’s 80 degrees, believe it or not.
When all of the sudden it hits me real fast,
They need to sleep, how long will they last?

With so little time and so much to do,
I’m in need of coffee to make me feel new.
Dad is now home so let us begin,
We both have a task, but who will win?

The doll house will surely be finished first,
The tricycle direction’s in German, the worst!
I sit and I laugh as the tools going flying,
Probably not nice, I would be crying.

Why can’t there really be a fat man in red,
To put this together then I’d be in bed.
But oh we continue to hammer and screw,
The trike for the child who is only two.

The kids are asleep all snuggled and warm,
We need to regroup, we need to brainstorm.
For how will we finish these daunting toy tasks,
Perhaps in my coffee the stuff from the flasks.

We’re now on a roll and moving along,
Thought it’d be easy and boy was I was wrong.
Why do we torture ourselves on this night,
Staying up late and into daylight.

If we’d just stayed ahead and started last week,
Perhaps we would already be fast asleep.
But what fun would that be, to be all caught up,
I much prefer running around and amuck.

As I pull out the cookies, oreos no less,
Which actually is easier and causes no stress,
I think to myself my parents did this?
I guess I enjoyed my ignorant bliss.

Six in the morning comes fast and comes quick,
The girls will coming running and me I’ll feel sick.
For too much “hot cocoa” will sure do me in,
But no time to waste, we must reach the end.

As we screw that last screw and toss the last box,
I’m thankful I somehow became a nighthawk.
We turn off the lights and tuck into bed,
I know this exhaustion is probably widespread.

I wish and I hope that maybe next year,
The fat man named Santa will visit us here.
Until then we’ll keep up with this fun charade
Because we’re all Santa, at home I’m afraid.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Seriously, Jerry Seinfeld, where are you?

This child is beyond funny. Shoot, I'm sure they all are. But this is mine, so I have to brag. And after all, this is my blog. I've been searching for boots for Rylee. We're going skiing in February so I've been stocking up on things the girls need. I have a running tally of things I need for them and things I already have for me. I grew up skiing, so I'm pretty stoked they're going to get the chance, at least Rylee. Anyway, neither here nor there. My point is, I've been looking for slash purchasing boots for these crazy cats. I found a sweet little pink pair of boots for Sophia complete with two little pom pons dangling from them (ok, ok, but for a 2 year old, it's pretty cute) and I have yet to find some for The Instigator. Now, I had had my eye on some rain boots. I know they're not traditional snow boots, so she is getting another pair for Christmas, but these were so cute I couldn't pass them up. I really should start posting pictures with my blog....I mean, I am a photographer. So they're pink, black and white, hard to describe type boots, but perfect for rain, snow and your basic pettiskirt. Yeah you photogs know what I'm talking about. Seriously off track. So the other night she's wearing them. Giving them a whirl, yet takes them off somewhere between the back door and her room. I find them mid entry way and see a ginormous black scuff on the wall. I say to her "Rylee, did you throw your boots right here"...NO! "Rylee, did you throw your boots right here?"....NO! Daddy did it! "Rylee, Daddy wouldn't put the boots here, are you lying to me?"......*stops, thinks, looks around to find Daddy and sees that she's in the clear - whew, he's outside*....."DADDY DID IT!" - Little stinker. I caught her red handed and she still sold him out. After a chat, I got the truth, held my laughter in and went about my business. Truth be told I did laugh later. Man I'm getting it back so bad.......

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Oh how I wish this were true...

Today as we were driving home in the car Rylee started in on her 20 questions. I always thought my Mom was the smartest lady on the face of the earth, and maybe she really is, but I now see how and why my Mom always had the right answer. Sometimes it's hard to keep answering or find the "right" answer. I mean really, these questions don't stop. The child will talk an entire hour car ride if she could. Nonstop. I tune in and out sometimes, but today was funny. As we're turning into our neighborhood she says "I think Daddy needs a new car".....I said, well, Daddy would probably like a new car, but cars cost money and we need more of it to get him a new car. (let me note that 1 - I just got a new car a year ago, and his card is paid off, so it's nice to have one car payment and 2- this child has vowed to follow in his footsteps and become a Banker.)....so after I say we need more money for a new car she says to me, as if I was stupid or something with her most sarcastic voice "well.....I know where to get money, that's what banks are for".....SILLY ME! What was I thinking? After all we had just stopped by two before venturing home. Now, I have asked The Saver to bring home some money before, but he never listens. I guess Rylee just jumped on that bandwagon with me. After all, I think she's on to something! I love their innocence....but I honestly had no idea where to begin to explain that the money in the banks, was not all ours to just have. These conversations get better and better each time.....

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

More talks with Sophia....

After a long morning at Mom-to-Mom, we ventured over to the neighborhood pizza pie place, complete with playscape. The theory is that they'll be so worn out afterward that I'll have an afternoon of peace. Ha, peace. You read that correctly. Fun thought though, huh? Well, usually they're beyond tired and it backfires. Sort of like today. As we were showing up I had to wake up Sophia. I should have seen the red flags go up, but somehow in my life, I always tend to ignore those flags. Here goes.....

Me - You are a tired girl, are you sleepy?
Sophia - NO!
Me - Did you have fun playing?
Sophia - NO!
Me - Are you ready to go home?
Sophia - NO!!!!!
Me - Do you only want to say No?
Sophia - YES!!!!!

Smarten than the average bear. I thought for sure that one would be a no too, after all, she was on a roll. Guess I was mistaken. What happened? The child turned two on the 7th and though to herself, hmmmm, 2.....I best start acting my age. Oh give me strength!!! How will I make it through.....t-minus 16 more years of drama. Although, I can't even say it will end. I certainly was super dramatic until 25 when my Mother gave me the ole "Alison, I just don't know what else to do with you".....I reap what I sow. I think we need to move to NYC or LA and enroll in acting classes because these girls would certainly make it big. Hmmmm, maybe I'm onto something!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Errands seemed like a good idea....

Why is it that errands must be so dang difficult with kids? They are inevitable, they have to get done, I don't always enjoy them either, so what gives? It's like all hell breaks lose the minute we step foot into a store. And you know, it seems that everyone else has kids who strapped on their listening ears for the day and quietly and calmly walk right next to them. My kiddo's, if they're not strapped into the cart, they're running amuck. The Instigator, in true instigator fashion, finds a reason to throw a fit everytime, or like today, trips over my feet and lands head first into the handle of the shopping cart. Now, I'd earn the horrible mother of the year title if I ignored this little mishap, so here I am knelt down hugging her as she sobs complete with red bump in between her eyes and what happens.....the other one pipes in. She now sees that the other child has gotten my attention and cannot stand it, so she launches herself into a full bout of tantrum throwing. As we push on and get to the baby section I stop and think, hmmm, what's that smell? That rancid, awful, horrible knock you out kind of smell? The Instigator says "SISSY, YOU STINK!".....so we find the restroom (thank you to the guy who oh so brilliantly placed them near the baby section) and push the entire cart into the restroom. This Mom and her two kids I swear saw us heading that way and took off like the Indy 500 to get to the "Family Restroom" before me. Fine, we'll go in the normal one. As I get in there, I realize that I have to open the new box of diapers and the new wipes. No problem, except for the fact that mister inspector #32 taped the box so damn tight that only an exacto knife could cut through it. COME ON, just ONE diaper is all I need. I scramble for my keys....no where to be found. *Lightbulb* The silent assassin stole them when the head trauma occurred earlier in our trip. I find them, change her and we're on our way. But not before running into someone we know, throwing food all over the ground and having a complete meltdown as I checkout. 20 items people. I was able to checkout in the fast checkout.....but there was nothing "fast" about the small amount of items that I just got. There went an entire hour. An hour! I could have done this all at lightning speed if only it were just me. I suppose I brought this upon myself when I so selfishly tried to squeeze a quick workout in prior to running these errands....perhaps next time I'll remember this before venturing out again. One would hope.....

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I swear I don't drink that much.....

Wednesday's are our "Church" days. I go to Mom to Mom and the girls go to their respective rooms to learn about the Bible, sing songs, color and overall, have a good time. We're there for 2 hours so that I can listen to the materials and attend my small group. Basically a group of Moms like me who are going through the same things. I love it. It's been a good thing. So today we go, running late as usual. Today I'm just glad I got a bath. I admit that sometimes we're in such a rush to get up, changed, dressed, fed, etc, that bath takes a backseat. Yep, I'm the stinky kid in class. Let's keep that between us though. I'm sure all those cute Moms (refer to yesterday's post) surely have time to bathe. At least today, I bathed, just didn't make it with makeup. Again, neither here nor there. So after my group is over and the two hours have flown by faster than the first year of a baby's life, I go pick up my crazy cats. First stop, Sophia's room. She did well and had a great time. Wonderful! On to Rylee's room. She shows me a plant she's planted, aka a pot of dirt that we will watch bloom next spring, and a picture she colored and I'm on my way. Halfway down the hall and on my way to leave, a sweet young girl says "she's hilarious". I say "she's crazy!" She keeps laughing and says to me "Today we learned the importance of healthy foods" (as Rylee chews her 2nd or perhaps 3rd tootsie roll....before lunch.....*gasp*....I know I'm that Mom)......and I say, oh really that's cool, she needs that talk! I guess I've left healthy eating habits lecture for someone else because our house is full of candy. And her teeth will probably fall out. I'm rambling. So this girl then proceeds to tell me "yep, we learned about healthy foods and cut them out of a magazine and glued them to a piece of paper". Again, I'm very proud and happy they did this. She's learned a ton, thank you Mom to Mom people......but then, as I'm glowing in my proud moment she says.....and again I quote "she even found a picture of a bottle of wine and said I HAVE to put this one on my paper because MY Mom LOVES wine!"........red face......heart melting.....bowing head.....tail between my legs......(remember, I'm in a Church).......I say "I swear I don't drink THAT much." DOH! Fish is to water like Mommy is to wine. Oh man......this is going to be a long 18 years.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Oh the joys of parenting.....

Twice a week I take our girls to "preschool"....which does teach them a lot, but it's only from 9-1, so it feels more like a Mother's Day Out. Although, I do wonder what Mother's Day Out means because I have to go put in some time at work while they're there. I'd much rather be at the gym or nail salon. But that's neither here nor there. I love the school, I really do, but sometimes I feel like less of a Mom. So many cute Mom's, in their Mercedes or Escalades, in their cute little clothes.....*eye roll*.....I just don't have time for all of that. Really. Although if my super saver wants to buy me one of those cars, I won't say no. ;) Honestly though, when do they get all cute because I know from 7-8:30 am it's get them dressed, fed and out the door. Maybe if I got up at 5 or 6 am? No thanks! I cherish that extra bit of sleep when I'm exhausted from our activities the day before. Aren't they? Point is, I show up today with somewhat of a cute outfit, but the dirtiest hair known to man rockin my perma-pony. Surely everyone can see this grease, but I owned it. So I take Rylee in her class and realized I had signed up for Holiday Stickers for the class. I looked and looked for Halloween stickers that don't include the typical ghost, witch, skull and crossbones, since after all, this is a Christian church preschool, and the teacher gives me her suggestion and I'm on my way. I get in the car, look in the mirror and WHAT THE....I have a "flake" in my nose. Not a full on booger like that of the dorky kid in Diary of a Wimpy Kid, but a white flake. Regardless of the size, it was there while I talked to all the people I talked to. How nice. Now, I'm not in Middle School, so this isn't detrimental to my survival to society, but why didn't someone tell me? I guess I wouldn't have either if I don't really know the person. Ho hum. Today I am known as the booger lady. Attractive. As if the greasy hair wasn't bad enough.......surely I'm not alone on all of this.

Oh, and let me just also note that Rylee thinks the movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid is called....get ready....."Diarrhea Kid"....so not only am I the unfashionable mom who has boogers in her nose, but I also have "that kid" who repeats things like "We watched Diarrhea Kid" to the class and her teachers who then wonder what the heck we aren't teaching at home. Let's hope this week improves.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Learning about inside voices

Dear Dora the Explorer,

I appreciate you being my babysitter for a little while today while I cook the girls' lunch. However, I have a little bone to pick with you. I'm trying to teach my children the importance of our voice and when to use it loudly and when to talk softly. For example, a great use of our outside voice might be if we see a snake. An example of a good quiet inside voice is to quietly tell Mommy or Daddy in church that you have to go number two and not alert the entire congregation. See, these are things that are important to us and I feel important to others around us with children as well. When I work hard on this very thing, I think you're negating everything by telling these impressionable kiddo's to in fact YELL as loud as you can "SWIPER!" if they see him. After all, you can't really hear them warn you of this clepto fox can you? Unless I have some type of 22nd century interactive television that I was unaware of. If you could keep this in mind, I'd really appreciate it. Please pass the word along to Mickey and the gang while calling for Toodles. There's a time and a place. Perhaps if your parents were actually present during these learning adventures, they might teach you the importance of 'the inside voice' as well. Just sayin'. Thank you though for teaching colors and numbers. That is a bonus which will allow us to continue watching you trample through jungles, mountains and rivers all to get home.

Sincerely a concerned parent,
Alison DeStefano

Monday, October 4, 2010

Dr's Visits....Must they be so terrible?

I think the title says it all. I dread going to a Doctor for the girls like I dread getting the flu. I'm also hoping this isn't just me. I mean, sure, no Mom wants to take their kiddo's to get shots, but we seem to frequent the Dermatologist and Allergist more than we have to get the dreaded shots. Today was a repeat visit for a skin issue for The Instigator, and along the way I decided to drop off The Silent Assassin! Thank goodness because taking both of them is my worst nightmare. Let me preface this by saying that I have taken both to this Doctor before, however, it will never happen again. This office is a dual Dermo and Allergist in one. You walk in to the fancy schmancy Mediterranean style building through their fancy schmancy wrought iron doors and it's all white. White? I halfway feel like I'm about to be strapped down in a mental jacket (although that wouldn't be so bad after the visit) and halfway feel like I left Austin and entered California. Did I mention this place also does Cosmetic Surgery? I think you have to have had something done before you're hired. And I don't say that to knock it, after all my girls aren't the same (you know what I mean), but I mention it because I feel like I have to wear my most trendy outfit, purse and accessories just to go to the appointment......and let me insert this note - I don't have many of these "trendy" items....I'm a Mom. Anyway, the first time we visited this white room of nightmares, my children wrote on the white leather couch with a pen. I simply told the woman at the desk who then looked at me as if I came into her own house and let my kids run wild with markers throughout. Come on lady, use a wipe. So we find ourselves there again today and it was the the recurring nightmare. Running around, from one chair to the next, multiple potty trips (including a numero dos) and pulling the Doctors gloves from the boxes and trying them all on. Oh, and apparently they pay to print pamphlets as writing material for my children. How nice of them! Why......why do these appointments wreak havoc on my sanity?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Mom vs. Dad

I've been a little MIA with a sick hubby, but not to worry, our trials and tribulations are back in full effect.....that is to say they ever stopped?

As I've been playing nurse to my husband lately and two sick little girls, I've been doing a lot of running around and thinking. I'm standing in our dining room the other day folding laundry, because let's face it, you get a formal dining room and use it what, 5 days out of the year? We might use it more only because my family lives nearby and there are a lot of us. But most of the year, let's say probably 355 days, it's our laundry room overflow area. After all, it's much easier to go grab a pair of PJ's off of the table than to walk that extra 20 feet to the girls' dresser. That's it, you found me out, my dirty little secret. I'm Alison, I'm OCD about cleanliness yet my dining room table is an extension of my closet most days. I'm so ashamed....well, not really, but doesn't that feel good to admit. I should have titled this the confessions post. Anyway, back to my point. Mom vs. Dad. I'm standing there and the hubby, aka The Saver, comes in and asks what he can help with. I give him some jammies and say, please put these on Sophia and wished him all the luck in the world. Jammie time for me means getting in my pre-workout by chasing her around the house and trying to rope her in. Once I get my grip on her I have approximately 5 seconds to whip the top and bottoms on before the octopus effect. You know, while trying to put an arm in one hole the other one comes out or you get a massive kick in the gut somehow from a flying limb. The kind that knocks your breath out and you're left thinking, where the H E double hockey sticks did that come from? Anyway, he's off and I'm laughing. After all, I'd rather be in the laundry, er, dining room folding laundry than chasing after the Silent Assassin for jammie time. As I begin to smirk he walks back in. What? WHAT? He's back and I start to boil thinking he didn't complete the task at hand. So I ask, what? And he says "what" back. Then he says "what's so hard about that". DOH! He walked in and simply says to her "it's jammie time", she lays on the floor and in that same 5 seconds that I have before the beast is unleashed, they're done. Why. Just.......why. *sigh*

Thursday, September 2, 2010

It's too darn quiet in here....

That's right, I said quiet. First day back at Preschool. Well, first day ever for Sophia. No girls means no chasing each other in circles around the coffee table, no Elmo Kids Songs 2, no fighting over who gets to carry around my iPhone and mess it all up. It's just quiet. And I actually miss the noise. Well, maybe I don't miss having my phone all gooed up from sticky fingers, but I do miss them. Let me say that this is temporary insanity, it's just a set back, and I know I should enjoy it. My day before preschool went a little something like this.

9:30 am - In the car and on the way to storytime at Barnes and Noble, things are looking good so far.
10:25 am - Rush into Barnes and Noble for storytime, rip a few books and other various products off the shelf on our way and finally sit down.
10:30 am - Storytime begins.
10:32 am - Continue ripping books off shelves, lay down a few times on the benches, get a few crazy looks from other Moms.
10:37 am - Rip both girls up by the arms and storm out of B&N, stopping a few times to lecture about how NOT to act at storytime.
10:40 am - Lecture continues. I'm not over it.
10:45 am - Cross the street to the Library to return a few things. Pray things get better.
10:50 am - Both girls screaming and laughing and running around the library.
10:51 am - Run into two old HS friends and hang my head as I comment about my crazy girls who are now playing hide and seek.
10:55 am - Lecture continues.....and some more. But this time about Library etiquette.
11:10 am - Full blown grocery shopping underway. Both girls begin their grocery store lunch by eating a banana. Two aisles later, the Silent Assasin has become the I'm-going-to-make-this-hell-for-Mom kid screaming up and down every aisle.
11:15 am - On the verge of tears myself, I rip open the nearest box of snacks I can find. Ahhh, peace and quiet.....for oh, about half an aisle.
11:16 am - Resume screaming fit. This time with arms up in the air as if to say "pick me up you stupid lady" and scream for "aeyie" (aka, lovie). Please note from a previous post that "aeyie" was lost at this very HEB, so "aeyie" is no longer allowed onto the scene of the crime.
11:20 am - Screaming continues and does so for the next 10 aisles. A few "I feel sorry for you" and "you're a horrible Mom" and "geez lazy pick up your kid" glances later, I'm at the register, both girls are running around, playing the HEB sticker crane drop game and getting their non-deserved balloon.

11:57 am - In the car and I'm now crying.

Yet today. I miss them. I'm off to get my head checked.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'm not sure this is Santa's department....

Santa you say? It's still "summer"! Well, I'll have you know that around these parts, we've already been making a list (and checking it twice). We're still working on the naughty or nice part though. Just wanted to mention that. Anyway, today while I'm cleaning up after yet another healthy meal, aka chicken nuggets, I was told "Mommy, I decided I don't want a dog anymore, I'd like a brother. It'll be me, Sophia and a brother, okay?" Now I'm no where near ready for a birds and bees talk, but surely I can tell her that it's not Santa's department? I think Daddy, The Saver, will revert back to the days of "yes, let's get a dog"......food for thought Daddy.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

School supply lists

Really? Shall I say it again.....really? I was at our local school supply haven the other day, aka, the grocery store, and picked up a list for fun. After all, it's only one short year and my little princess will be taking her first backpack-lunchbox picture on her first day. So I wanted to see what the fuss is all about. We all know the commercial, the kids want to freak Mom out with the list and how expensive, or extensive, it is. That is certainly is. I have a few bones to pick here. And correct me if I'm wrong, I'm no teacher nor have I ever been one (well in academia). Here goes:

10 Glue Sticks and 2- 4oz glue bottles - What the! TEN glue sticks, times about 16 kiddo's.....WHAT are they gluing? I realize that when Rylee glues she uses enough to glue a house to its foundation, but I believe 160+ glue sticks will suffice.

1-8ct crayon, 3-24 ct crayon, 3-8ct thick markers, 2-8ct thin markers....I mean what in the name of Pete are you coloring? I have a Pacman box of crayons at my Mom's house that I have kept around since I was little. Instead of constantly replacing, how about we teach them to hear that glorious little *click* when putting the lid back on and not eating crayons. Then maybe then we won't need to continue to send Crayola into yet another billion dollar company in the midst of this "financial crisis".

And only one can of playdoh? The stuff that dries out faster than my swimsuit does in 100 degree Texas weather? Who makes this list? What I want, along with this list next summer, is an itinerary of their year. So far it looks as if they'll be coloring, gluing and molding. Now I know there is much more to it, but from the mother of a preschooler, I think we've gained enough macaroni art to last a lifetime.

Although the list made me laugh, I do look forward to the back-to-school shopping and getting ready for it all. Until then, I'll enjoy the lax schedule, laminated artwork and my two little preschoolers.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Conversations with a mini me

I love talking to Sophia. It's sometimes the highlight of my day, well, next to comedy hour provided by Rylee. This afternoon's conversation goes a bit like this:

S - More...(complete with both index fingers touching, she never got the entire hand sign down for "more", after all, who needs the entire hand when index fingers get the job done)...

Me - You want more grapes?

S - Eyaes (from an ealier translation post, you'll remember this is in fact yes, pronounced eyes)

Me - Ok, I'll go get you some more. Would you like more milk?

S - NO!

.....as I head downstairs and peek my head over the half wall.....

S - BYE!!!!

.....excuse me, I guess I wasn't moving fast enough.....

Me - I love you....

S - I uhhhvvv ooohhhh. Byeeeee!!

.....while downstairs.....

S - Mommyyyyyyyyyy....er are oooohhhh???

Me - Downstairs! (was this new information?)

.....coming back with some grapes, I put them down on the coffee table.....

S - All done!

*DOH!* I guess I didn't do enough on the stairmaster this morning and she was looking out for my best interest helping me to shed a few more cals. Much appreciated.

Monday, August 16, 2010

No time for A Case of the Monday's

When did I wake up with teenage girls? I realize it's my fault, I plan these things, but man am I tired from their social schedule. And we're only 21 months and 4 1/2!! I'll save you from the "just wait" comment and I will let you know that I know I've got a lot more in store for me. After a whacky last minute decision to venture over to Sea World Saturday without my man, we definitely enjoyed lazy Sunday. (insert thank you to Melissa for braving Sea World with me on the brink of my monthly insanity breakdown) So here we are, Monday has arrived and we're violently shoved into the week. My day starts somewhat like this......wake up, COFFEE, breakfast, dress the octopus, argue with the Instigator over which swimsuit to wear, and head out the door to swim camp. And all week, 9-12 swim camp. I've been told "I'm doing swim team, soccer and gymnastics" this year. Apparently we didn't get the memo. And I guess she doesn't really understand that her Daddy is a Banker. If we're going to introduce him here, I suppose he needs a name too. Let it be known to all that I'm married to a Banker, he's the President and I'm the First Lady, but that's neither here nor there. For the sake of nicknames, we'll call him "The Saver". Thus making me "The Spender".

Moving about our day after drop off we quickly run to the grocery store, after all the frog potty that I was stoked about hasn't been doing it's job, nor have I, so diapers are a must. We follow up that fun with a quick trip to the gym for some running, after all, Momma ate too much junk and muffin top was beginning to try to make an appearance. I figure by this point The Silent Assasin has suffered enough so we'll insert a quick trip to a sporting goods store before we head to our local Barnes and Noble for some fun (and free!) train table time. Why is it that the B&N train table is loads of fun, but ours at home from Santa gets the shaft? The little one had sticky fingers and tried pretty darn hard to take home The Backyardigans gang and Boots from do do do do da Dora. Not to worry, I had a master plot and she handed them back oh so nicely to the lady behind the counter so they could take a "nigh nigh". Disaster avoided. Back to get The Instigator, onto Chick-Fil-A, aka the local germy sess pool, and home after a Silent Assasin meltdown. Today she isn't so silent.

All by 1 pm. If you need me, I'll be in a hot bath. Hey, one can dream, right? Come on Tuesday.....whatcha got for me?

Friday, August 13, 2010

What a sad day...

I've posted all of our baby items in a huge SALE on our local Craigslist. Now I've been known to want three kiddo's....but after our "vacation" (aka not a vacation with two crazy girls) I am D-O-N-E! I had fun, don't get me wrong, but it took me about 3 weeks to recover.

Annnnnnnnd of course a few fun things The Instigator said today:

1) Mommy, did you know you're the best Mommy in the world? (sorry you other Mom's, I've taken the title and I'm going to own it.....now where is my crown......)

2) When I start a band, I'm going to say 1-2-3, and start playing the drums! - Lord help us, we have a future rocker chick on our hands. Drummer though? I much prefer the female guitarist or the lead singer. But I will support it, as long as she remembers the little people when she makes it big. Oh, and Santa, if you're reading this, didn't you mention that your sled was too small for a drum set?!??!

3) While moving a bowl of decorative balls from the coffee table, it clocked her in the neck and what does she say "OWWWWWW, right in the jugular!". If drumming doesn't work out, looks like she's got a future in stand up comedy because I don't care who you are, that there was funny.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Exciting news!

I've been in talks with US Family Guide for a few months, well, supposed to join in on some webinars/meetings and never had the time. Finally, I was able to and long story short, was selected to be a member of Moms Connect. (Find the link on the right side and in this post) - Basically it will link you to US Family Guide where you can find your area and all the cool happenings around town. Pretty cool little resource. And for those of you with your own business, you can advertise with them. What I'll be doing is attending events (ie: Ringling Brothers) and writing reviews here (so check back!) and it's published through their site as well. So check in and check often. I'm about to do a major overhaul on this thing and get a heck of a lot more stuff up. Share this blog link with your Mom friends so we can all navigate through this crazy world of Motherhood together!


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Oh today....

It sure was an interesting day. Have I mentioned that I work mostly from home with my two girls? I do. I work a little bit for my family owned business (insert plug for NHRG, Inc here - IT Consulting) and in the midst of all of that work and raising my girls, I started up a Photography Business and decided to pick up this crafting. Let it be known that I function with too much on my plate, but oh today was a challenge. Since our live in Nanny has left us (ELLEN COME BACK!) I'm left working, alone, with these two crazy cats. A few things that happened:

1) The Insigator, in true instigator fashion, got on my workout equipment and said "Sophia, do some exercise! It makes your body feel good!" - Now I hate to be a gym rat, but let's face it, I've turned into one as the Foursquare mayor of good ole Gold's Gym of Bee Caves. I definitely agree with her on this statement, although I must say an elliptical machine is no place for a 21 month old.

2) Because I have to get some work done while they destroy the house, er, I mean play and do arts and crafts, I cannot always watch them. So when Sophia falls off a chair (kid size chair, I'm not that bad) and busted her eye open and it begins to bleed or when she takes a good spill down the stairs, I believe it's time to call it a day. And on that note I took The Instigator to our local Rolly Pollies for a good ole day camp. Ahhh, thank you Rolly Pollies!

3) Lastly I must say that Kidz Bop 18, again you can own your own CD and Instructional Dance DVD - don't hate, isn't really bad! I found myself singing. However, when you purchase this kid edition of some of the raunchy current hits, be sure you use your listening ears before you belt it out like you're a part of the band. When Katy Perry's California Girls came on I found myself singing "no no" words at the top of my lungs only to realize, hmmm, I bet they aren't saying that. After all, they're what, 12? Just sayin'.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Tu tu tu tu ta tutorial.....


I'm so proud, that I had to share. I've been known to be crafty, even going so far as to host an etsy shop (see my store link on the right!)....but for now, I'll share my craft. And by the way, if you'd like to purchase this one, or one in your size, it is $15 plus shipping.

1) Buy a onesie, any size, any color, any brand. For this one I bought a 24 mth Gerber Cotton that I found at Target. Cotton is very easy to work with.

2) Find some ribbon you'd like to sew on it. Or fabric. Again, cotton is easiest. I used a grosgrain green polka dot ribbon.

3) Measure the ribbon or fabric from seam to seam of the onesie. I placed it above where I thought the tummy would be so that it wasn't too low for shorts, skirts or pants. Or you can leave your little princess, or prince, in the onesie alone.

4) Fold over the ends of the ribbon and iron so that the frayed edges will be sewn down as a clean edge. I start with one end, fold it over, iron it so that it stays folded and then pin it immediately to the onesie at one side seam.

5) Continue pinning the ribbon to the onesie all the way across to the next side seam. Make sure you don't pin al the way through to the back, only through the front layer, otherwise it won't feed through your sewing machine.

6) Once everything is pinned down you're ready to sew! Start at one side seam and sew your ribbon down until you've done the whole thing.

7) For the bow, I just hand tied it into a bow, much like your shoe laces and worked with it until it looked the way I wanted. I used the same ribbon, but you could use any ribbon if you'd like some contrast.

8) Again, fold the ends of the ribbon over, I folded twice here unlike above where I folded once for the side seam, and feed it through the sewing machine to create a nice clean end to your ribbon that won't fray in the washer.

9) Now get a regular ole needle and thread to match your ribbon (I used white) and hand sew your bow. I sewed from the back since I didn't want stitching to show on the front of the bow. Feed through enough times that when you pull the ends of the ribbon you cannnot untie the bow.

10) Now you're ready to hand sew your bow on to the onesie. I picked the side I liked and sewed it on, again sewing enough to where I could tug on it and it didn't budge. You want to make sure everything is sturdy enough to go through the washer.

Voila! Cute little onesie. If you have questions, email me at loviesbyalison@gmail.com and I'd be happy to answer! Happy sewing!! Please feel free to comment and let me know if you like this tutorial (or if I left something out) and I'll be happy to post more of these!
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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A few things I've noticed lately...

1) I know all the words to every Disney and Nick/Nick Jr. Show. Don't challenge me. I do. Although if I hear one more round of Do do do do da Dora, I may drive myself into a tree.

2) I never realized how exciting a frog potty could be. From the store to the bathroom, it just got better and better. It's definitely the best $12.99 I've spent in a while. And that's probably because I've cut back on wine.....

3) Kidz Bop and Disney Channel Pandora has become a staple in my car. Don't be jealous. You too can own your own version of Kidz Bop 18 by visiting the website complete with instructional dance DVD. No, I do not work for Kidz Bop, but feel free to send me a check for my mention.

4) All things of pink and glitter have consumed me and our home. Must everything be so....pink? I love it, I do, I'm as girly as the next "girly girl", but man am I creating myself a few little princesses.

5) When did girl shoe designers decide that $75 with a "free make-up phone" was the going rate for a foot that grows faster than I can think of things to blog about? Moving on. For the record, we own some Twinkle Toes, not the alternative. $42 was still a big budget buster.

6) I've never been so crafty in my life. I have become a knifty knitter and sewer and I feel that the only thing I lack here is a pair of those square little glasses with a beaded chain to hold them up.

Let's just call it a day here. After all, the continuation of the Gusher's commercial as to why the "gusher didn't gush" is on and I've been waiting to see why in fact that is.....

Monday, August 2, 2010

Houston, we have a problem...

We have lost lovie. You've read that correctly, we have lost lovie. Now, if you have children, you know what this means and if not, let me explain. Lovie....it is vital for survival around these parts. This is a castastrophe people. Which brings me to the question....why do we as parents push these things upon our children? I'm not saying I forced lovie in her face, but we buy something to comfort them and they become attached so much that losing it means every member of the household will suffer. Now, at least she is old enough to understand that it's gone, but that's in no way easy to explain. We trecked back to the good ole grocery store, aka, the scene of the crime. But nothing, nathan, nada. No lovie to be found. And I don't quite think the staff of the local HEB gets the severity of it all. They simply jotted down my number to "call if we find it"....call me. Yeah right. I called many times, still, no go. So moving on. We have a back up, but it's not the same lovie, it doesn't have polka dots, it doesn't have brown satin and it doesn't have the shaggy weird fabric that seems to never get clean no matter how many times you've run it through the washer. And does anyone know how hard it is to keep a four year old quiet about the whole ordeal? The Instigator truly lived up to her name by announcing ever so often, timed correctly or incorrectly (not sure), that lovie was in fact, gone. Oh well. Lovie, where ever you are, you will not be forgotten. We sure had some good times with you. *Quick note to the evil person who threw it away - you have no heart and karma is a........* ;)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

What did you say?

Kids should really come with a translation book or manual. These shouldn't be kept for foreign languages. I realize I'm a mother, and this should be ingrained in me, I get it, but sometimes I need some help. Let me just start with a few words and translate for you.

Foofelzs - You know, brown twisted salty little numbers AKA Pretzels.
Foofis - Little golden snacks in the shape of fish, aka, Goldfish.
Cack - While standing at the fridge trying to open the ginormous french doors, one can only assume this means "Milk".
Thithy - Her counterpart, we all know her as The Instigator, but for translation sake, this means, Sissy.

Now if one isn't careful a conversation could go as follows:
"Good morning sweetie! Did you have a good night night?"
- aeys (procounced "ice" or "eyes")
- Points to her eyes and says "eyes!" as if she's discovered this for the first time.
"Yes, those are your eyes, did you have a good night night?"
- aeys!
.......OH! *lightbulb* she means YES!
"Good, I'm glad! Let's go find thithy......"

It's these little things that keep me going sometimes. Conversations with adults are highly overrated. And while I'm thinking about it, this was never an issue with The Instigator. Nope, Rylee came out talking. By 15 months she could demand that she will eat when she wants or not participate in timeout as clear as day. I simply say that I hope you always have a mother nearby when talking to a 20 month old because if not, I wish you the best.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ode to the Shore

Pardon my absence, we were doing some good ole fist pumpin' at the Jersey Shore. Ok, so not really, but we did find a few "situation" shirts, walked several boardwalks and The Instigator came home with a true Jersey type hat. Many things happened on our trip, some funny, some not so much. Let me recap a bit.

1) Driving on the Garden State Parkway. You better make sure you don't have to go. With stops ranging in the 20-28 mile areas, you're holding it. It's not like the great state of Texas where you find gas stations as you please or just pull over and see a man about a horse. No no, you're holding it in. Twice, we had just stopped for a group potty trip and twice, Rylee went. However, 5 miles from the fun park she claims she didn't get it all out and well.....you know the rest. Ever had a 4 year old tell you she "HAS TO GO!"....moving on.

2) While at dinner, there has to be a way to muffle kiddo's mouths. Right? Or in public in general. I can't exactly recall where we were, restaurant or public, but Rylee has no filtering system. As she jumps up to do something, whatever crazy thing it was, she proclaims, "my panties!!!!" to which my Mother and Sister-in-law reply, "what about them?" and she then says "they're upstairs!" Now if someone didn't hear this, I'd be surprised. Panties.....upstairs. I suppose better than downstairs?!?!?

3) And our third and final notable recap, and on a serious note, keep those kiddo's swimmin. Granted my theory is usually, if they do something once they won't do it again, but when it comes to water it's a bit scary to adopt that philosophy. The Instigator is a pretty gosh darn good swimmer now. (Insert shout out to good ole Mrs. I)....but The Silent Assasin, also quietly slips herself into a pool faster than Mike "The Situation" can hook up. I could see it coming, but gave her space. While at the pool at the hotel on the shore, Sophia took a dive. Face first, flailing around, it wasn't pretty. Rylee calmly swam over and said "sister", with sarcasm as if to say "what the heck do you think you're doing?!?!", picked her up, handed her to me and swam off. As if nothing had happened. I was a bit shaken, but she was alive. A bit shaken herself, but in the long run the "they won't do it again" philosophy did work and she steered clear of bending down to fish things out of the pool after that.

Overall, awesome trip. New Englad is, as always, a fun place to visit. Jersey Shore, Boardwalks, NYC, Yankee's Game.....ahhhh, good ole fashion family fun. I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The best day of her life......

As the 4th of July (insert Happy Birthday America here) came and went, we made sure to fill it with fun. Since we decided not to go out and celebrate with a mass of people, we picked up some fireworks from the local "I could go up in flames at any minute" stand. Really though, that would be a heck of a show to see....granted it would be pretty loud and dangerous, I secretly would like to see a fireworks stand go up. Anyhoo, we bought your average sparklers, more like rocket launchers. Since when do sparklers shoot out and go all over the place? Who is behind that one? "Kid friendly" my ass. The Silent Assasin was swinging hers around like a samarai sword and burned her eye. But that didn't stop her. Oh no, she kept on going. The Instigator asked the entire time "when are we going to do the fireworks"....and I replied, this is it! To which she replies, this is the best day of my life. Score. If that was the best day of her life, it'll be easy to keep her happy. We even saved the biggest one for last for our big finish and the little one didn't know what to make of that. She continued to clap some, scream some and ran around in circles. And at the end, she decided to take a grandiose bow. As if she had done all the work?!?!?! Overall, she thought it was better than, well not sliced bread, but maybe pretzels. She's much more of a pretzel monger. And overall, a great holiday with these two crazy towns. I'd say it was a success.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Case and Point

Not even 24 hours after the introduction of The Instigator and The Silent Assasin, we have proof that these names are not only well suited, but absolutely lived up to.

7:45 in the a.m. - We wake and get breakfast going. It's a pretty standard morning, with a little rain. Breakfast is ready and the girls are eating. Since these two cannot sit through a meal like a man cannno sit through the ballet, food typically is wasted, or in a trail leading to who knows where. Now, I've been known to throw out the ole "there are starving kids in China" line....but you know, is China really the right place for this? I just ask. I grew up hearing this, or maybe it was my own ignorant assumption, but I'm thinking and correct me if I'm wrong, that since most of the stuff I see says "made in China" that they're not the people I should refer to. Also, we don't house Hansel and Gretel, so why the food trail? Forget expensive gym memberships, who needs those. You can get your very own workout simply picking up food and toys. Abs from bending, check - back workout from bending, check - biceps/shoulders from lifting and lugging around The Silent Asssasin, check.....it's really just their way of helping me and The Sucker out. After all, OCD anal cleanliness is overruled by these two. Anyway, back to the main point here, which is The Silent Assasin. As breakfast sits and The Instigator and I go about our business, the other quickly and quietly steals the Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit sitting at the table. Yes, it's the Instigator's and undoubtedly half the size of her face. Once this is realized pigs fly and well, you know what breaks loose here. Our day has begun......

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wow it's been a while....

So much has changed! We no longer have a toddler, nor do we have a baby. (insert sad sigh here)...however, we do now have a fun, outgoing crazy preschooler and her crazy counterpart. From here on out, we'll refer to them as "The Instigator" and "The Silent Assasin". And to clear up any confusion, yes, they're going to be on the next season of Jersey Shore, after all, a good nickname shouldn't go to waste. Just a few key points and I'll leave the rest for future posts.

A) The Instigator - She's good in action. Watch out for this one. She is the master of her own trade. The girl can con you into a cruddy hot wheels car with scratched paint and broken wheels faster than you can change a diaper. Yeah, you Mom's know what I'm talking about. Diaper changing, it can be done in 2 seconds flat in some situations. I often wonder how good I'd be in a pit crew at Nascar. Anyway, really, if you see The Instigator around, keep your hands on your purse and both eyes on her. Laugh now....but this 4 year old going on 14 knows a thing or two.

2) The Silent Assasin - Don't let the above description of The Instigator fool you. The Silent Assasin is holding her own. This crazy toddler (again, insert sad sigh here) has recently been known to clock The Instigator over the head with a little tykes iPod on the left temple and evened it out later that evening with a home phone. She moves quickly and quietly. She looks extremely sweet and innocent, but has also been known to pull a few con jobs herself. Her latest was sweetly going to the pantry to con Daddy into a second bag of "foo sna" (aka, fruit snacks) and we all know his nickname should be "The Sucker"....although, who am I fooling, so should mine.

D) Just a little update from my previous post about "the toddler", now "The Instigator". She can now have peanuts, she is now "big", but she's still working on the rest. Wine and boobs won't happen for a while. At least let's hope. The Silent Assasin, however, is allergic to the world. I'm sure you'll know all about that soon. We ride that roller coaster a lot. But hey, I'm a second child, so is my man, so really she's just pining for attention. It's hard with The Instigator. I'm all too familiar with that. You know who you are, however, you shall remain unnamed and can just smile at how you've passed this on to the next generation.

Stick around. I don't think you'll want to miss this.