Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I think I may have to lay the smack down on censorship. I'm all for a good song on the radio, movie on TV, show on Nickelodeon, but when my children cannot distinguish appropriate words or behaviors, I'm thinking it may be a problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good windows down, sunglasses on kind of roll around the neighborhood bobbing our heads to Justin Bieber's Boyfriend, after all, Kidz Bop isn't really my cup of tea, but I may have to invest in Salty's Sings Praises 4 after what I've experienced. The Instigator has always been more into "older" movies, and by that I mean Home Alone, The Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, etc. She wasn't really a princess movie junkie like the Silent Assassin is. That girl can buy more princess dolls than can be manufactured. She also enjoys the occasional princess song and/or Disney radio. However, there was a movie made that they love, the life story of none other than Katy Perry. And I must admit, I was completely ready to watch this movie, cried in my cheerios when they had to address the divorce between her and Russell Brand (gimme a break, I was pregnant), and even enjoy her songs now and again, but it's taken a turn for the worst I fear. The girls love to bring movies in the car. Favorite for the last few months has been, da da da daaaaaa, Katy Perry, making this the most seen movie in the car by far. Far exceeding Elmo, Cinderella and Mickey. No less than 50 times I'm sure. I have watched this movie, on a good ole fashion family fun movie Saturday, it was just the once. The girls can recite it though. They know every line. Every song. So you can imagine the surprise I got. It was a casual day, we had run some errands, the movie was on. Again. I usually give them headphones because, well let's be honest, I can recite it now too having just listened to it. But really, I hadn't paid all that much attention to her songs other than I thought "oh that's really cool, she's a Christian girl raised by Protestant Ministers and writes about her own life experiences". Did I mention that she married (and divorced) the comedian/actor Russell Brand? You know the one. The obnoxious long haired fellow. (fellow, how old am I?)...... The plot thickens. So again, we're having a lovely mother daughter day. Sade was playing on my pandora radio, The Innocent was sleeping, a rare car occasion, and the oldest of the two twinkle toes were quietly watching Katy Perry, the Movie. Life is grand. From time to time they'll blurt out a line or two, or a "baby you're a fiiiiiirework".....but this time, this particular day was like no other. Apparently there is a song, and act on stage, where she is wearing a peacock feathered outfit, as are her back up dancers. Now, according to young minds, this song is all about a colorful friendly peacock. But I'm no fool, I know better. I about lost control of the car and veered off the road when I hear the Silent Assassin, who is only 4, start singing "I wanna see your peacock, cock cock, your peacock, cock, cock....." Now I'm not a gambling woman, but I'm willing to be this is not about a peacock. Oy. After I gained my composure from half shock, half hysterics, I casually continued driving. I'd rather not make a huge deal of it, but I may have to start censoring. Ugh.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Sleep Circus

I half heartedly wrote this in my sleep last night. Wait, this morning. Sometime around 4 am. The Instigator slept through the night at 5 weeks. No really, 5 weeks. I'm not one of those boisterous mothers who brags about sleep for no good reason, she really did. However, because I bragged about it, the Silent Assassin arrived and gave me no less than 9 months of middle of the night misery. So what will "The Innocent" (Thank you Dawn DeStefano for the name) present us with? Time will tell. But so far, I'm not likin' it. She went a whole week doing a very nice 9pm-3 and 4am stretch. I thought, how nice, a girl could get used to this. Then, I talked about it. The fatal mistake. Two friends with babies, also new babies, came over and "Guess what she did last night, she slept from.....blah blah blah blah blah".....and bam, back up twice a night. I try to get my sorry self to bed and asleep by 9. Thankfully she likes to sit on her Daddy's lap with his foot shaking her no less than 100 shakes per minute, and his furnace body keeps her uber warm. So waking up at 2-3, not too shabby after a nice longer stretch like that. What gets me is the 4:30 feeding shortly after. And when I say short, I mean, short. That's just a cruel joke. Hey ma, look, no sleep. Then if that's not enough, we gotta do it again at 6:30?!?! I mean come on. I have no issues in the eating department. I don't need to graze and graze and graze. I don't do things half assed, no sir e. I eat my full meal, and then some, when presented with it. Then I hibernate. So this up night stuff, my dear third child, has got to stop. I always wake up hopeful, thinking, well, SURELY she will be exhausted today so we'll take a nap. Yes, I really said that. I know, I know, I'm super hilarious (or delusional). It doesn't happen. I spend my mornings holding, feeding, holding, feeding, holding....you get it. Throw in a few 10 minute fake out naps and it's lunchtime. I hold her, throw together some non-nutritional lunch for the poor Silent Assassin with one hand and the routine resumes. I some times get a long nap out of her, you know, in the car when there is no way in high heaven you can nap. Sigh. I'd definitely sell a kidney on the black market right now all in the name of a nap......over and out. The Innocent has woken up. Shocker.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I took a leave of absence.....

See what happens when you disappear?!?! You can come back with such news as "I had a baby"....although I did announce the pregnancy, so no shocker there. We all know the end result. She's here, nonetheless. She came in a fury. One month early, ass to the world calling for none other than an emergency c-section and faked her preemie status as "good" only to end up back in the NICU for 7 days with "failure to thrive". Yep, she's good to go now and our world is crazy. Crazier than the Instigator and the Silent Assassin you ask?!?! Oh yes, we've added to our chaos. This world of three kids is nonstop. Do ask yourself if you're ready for that if you're contemplating adding another being to your brood. People tried to tell me. But it's like trying to tell me not to eat that last piece of cake. I don't listen. Unlike cake, however, I don't regret this.....can't call it a choice because she was a big ole surprise, but I don't regret that night of too much wine. Anyhoo, so here we are. Three kids, two dogs, one cat and a partridge in a pear tree. I regret not blogging more earlier, there certainly has been enough to write about. Like today for example. I'm a walking Zombie, which is really good for me since Zombies are so "in" right now. Hopefully I'm doing it justice. The "insert name here" was up all night. I shoved one off to school and have been trying ever since for her to go back down so that I can nap. I came close, twice, but it was just a cruel joke she was playing. The kid sleeps with one eye open. I'm not kidding, she literally does, and I think it's for the simple pleasure of torturing me. It's like her periscope on a submarine.....I can just hear that alert going off in her head "mom's trying to sit, go, go, go....."......and bam, WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! It happens all day and during any nap or meal times. Hey, she has been a great weight loss technique. And the silent assasin is home with me, which may I point out is no longer "silent" by any means. She was removed from preschool to stay home with me and as her sister said, has no friends, so today she played hide n seek with the family a-hole dog. Granted, I was laughing, but I didn't want to. Laughter is not the best medicine today as I wanted to wallow in my own self pity. Must.get.sleep. About the time I did get her to really take a nap, which I'll regret come 2 am, it's time to start on dinner. So here I am, waiting on my dinner to simmer so that I may move onto step 2 of the ham soup I decided on making today, blogging instead of napping. I've really become a fan of makeup lately. It covers the darkest of circles. And wine, I was reunited with my buddy wine......reunited, and it feels sooooo good. Anyway, glad to be back. Stick around. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Oh, and perhaps you can help me give this one a name. Any suggestions? The Instigator, the Silent Assassin and the......