Friday, December 7, 2012

Elf Therapy

This is the story. The story of an Elf who just couldn't get his sh*$ together. Try as he may, he just couldn't keep up with all of the other overachiever elf buddy's. He set out to find help. Help only those who understood the feeling could provide. This, is Sparky's story.
December 6th - My 2nd Meeting

We met in another room tonight. I wonder why. I guess it was fine because there was entertainment tonight. Some girl named Tinkerbell was there playing her best rendition of Deck the Halls and Jingle Bells. Talk about a small girl. She needs a smaller piano. She didn't talk, just played. I'd like to find more out about her though. Seems like an interesting background. But anyway, the same crowd showed up....Ken and Ariel. Ken was so rude and sat in the only chair. He didn't even offer Ariel a seat. I offered, she said she'd rather stand. I think she didn't want to sit by that jerk, Ken. Again, Ken spoke first and tonight it was all about his hair. He went on and on about whether he should cut it or keep the same style. Personally, I could care less, but I told him to leave it and that it looked nice. Isn't that what therapy is for, be kind to those around you and support them. It just seems so petty. There are bigger issues in the world, like the fact that I'm worked to the friggin' bone. I told him I'd love to walk a day in his shoes. I quietly sit on some perch all day watching every move of these kids, and I told him, then I fly home....yes, fly, which by the way is not just a quick hop skip and a jump. I'm exhausted by the time I get there. I arrive usually around midnight only to go straight to work. They asked me when I slept and I just laughed. I told them sleep is for those who are weak. The lady of the house I visit everyday probably agrees. She doesn't seem to sleep. Ken and Ariel seem to have it made. Maybe I'll take them home with me one night to see what I'm talking about. It's work work work. I have to make toys all night long until the wee hours of the morning and somehow schedule in my long flight back to the house so that I can reappear before those kids wake up. And don't even get me started on flight delays. I can't just take off wherever I please, I have to go through customs. As if I can hide something in this suit? I did hear a story once of an elf hiding stuff from his people home and bringing it back. I shudder to think of where he smuggled that in. I'm just overworked and overtired. Ken started to only pay attention to the third version of Up on the Rooftop and tuned me out, so I really got a chance to talk to Ariel. She's a good listener. I think her Dad used to treat her like Santa treats me. I'm really starting to like her. I told her about the other elves and how inadequate I feel. I have no desire to make a big ole mess in my house each night. After all, it's more for that lady to clean and by the looks of it, she's cleaning all day, everyday, as it is. That just seems wrong. Ariel agrees that the other elves seem to be overachievers. I mean, with so many of us elves, does Santa even really notice? No. The answer is, no. Since I started at this therapy I have made a few new friends who feel the same as me. Two elves named Bobo and Cutie are on the same page as me. Maybe they should join me. I'll have to see if I can squeeze them into this session, but if not, I plan to share some coping techniques......anyway, the night ended with Ariel briefly telling me about some Ursula witch who took her voice and sent her to land to fall in love. That Ursula sounds more to me like a witch with a B. Just sayin.....we wrapped the night all singing a quick Joy to the World. How ironic. I look forward to tomorrow night....I just hope Ken has some valuable input.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Underachievers Anonymous

This is the story. The story of an Elf who just couldn't get his sh*$ together. Try as he may, he just couldn't keep up with all of the other overachiever elf buddy's. He set out to find help. Help only those who understood the feeling could provide. This, is Sparky's story.
December 5th - My first meeting.

I discovered a great group of people. It's a small group, but they seem nice so far. I think one said his name was Ken and the girl, who doesn't seem to be with him, said her name was Ariel....or something like that. Ken is a mess. I'd like to think more than I am. I mean, I know it's supposed to be a judgement free zone, but the guy wore some kind of pin striped jumpsuit, or seersucker. Either way, guys don't wear onesies. But again, who am I to judge when the big guy himself has me wear a red fleece one piece get up with a girly collar. I mean come on. But anyway, back to Ken. He spoke first, he seems to be a pro at this meeting. He talked all about feeling the pressure and never living up to his name. He mentioned always feeling the tension and competition between him and some girl named Barbie, who I think lives in the house we meet in. But she never showed up, just dropped off some fancy cake as if that's what I need in a skin tight suit. Maybe she attends the overachievers meeting I saw also listed as this address, I just hope she spelled Anonymous correctly on their sign. Or maybe Ken lives here. I can't figure it out, so I'm anxious to hear more of his story. I started to wonder more about Ariel's story as he went on and on about clothes and cars; he seems a little materialistic. Ariel did finally get her chance, with a few rude interruptions from Ken. He's going to get on my nerves. She has some weird past. Something about living in the sea and leaving her family behind who are all princesses. She felt the pressure to conform but never felt right in her own skin.....or tail. I think she used to be a mermaid, at least that's what I gather. Again, strange story with that one, but I live in the same place eating milk and cookies all year, so maybe I'm the strange one. Anyway, she came lookin' a hot mess. I mean, she tried to dress nice, but has she heard of a comb? Maybe Ken would let her borrow one or two of his. Towards the end I finally introduced myself and briefly covered why I was there. I let them know where I was from and what my job was. As if it's not bad enough I have to watch over kids all day long, I then have to fly home and report in only to feel extremely annoyed when I hear about all of the other activities that the other elves have done.....getting into the toothpaste, destroying the Christmas tree, baking things. COME.ON. I laugh because they are just a bunch of brown nosin' pieces of reindeer poo. I'm so sick of it. I plan to tell them more, but it was only the first meeting and I didn't want to seem all pathetic. So we bid our adieu's and were on our way. I singed up for a month long session, meeting nightly. Guess I'm just hoping to feel better about this whole elf thing in the end.