Friday, December 7, 2012

Elf Therapy

This is the story. The story of an Elf who just couldn't get his sh*$ together. Try as he may, he just couldn't keep up with all of the other overachiever elf buddy's. He set out to find help. Help only those who understood the feeling could provide. This, is Sparky's story.
December 6th - My 2nd Meeting

We met in another room tonight. I wonder why. I guess it was fine because there was entertainment tonight. Some girl named Tinkerbell was there playing her best rendition of Deck the Halls and Jingle Bells. Talk about a small girl. She needs a smaller piano. She didn't talk, just played. I'd like to find more out about her though. Seems like an interesting background. But anyway, the same crowd showed up....Ken and Ariel. Ken was so rude and sat in the only chair. He didn't even offer Ariel a seat. I offered, she said she'd rather stand. I think she didn't want to sit by that jerk, Ken. Again, Ken spoke first and tonight it was all about his hair. He went on and on about whether he should cut it or keep the same style. Personally, I could care less, but I told him to leave it and that it looked nice. Isn't that what therapy is for, be kind to those around you and support them. It just seems so petty. There are bigger issues in the world, like the fact that I'm worked to the friggin' bone. I told him I'd love to walk a day in his shoes. I quietly sit on some perch all day watching every move of these kids, and I told him, then I fly home....yes, fly, which by the way is not just a quick hop skip and a jump. I'm exhausted by the time I get there. I arrive usually around midnight only to go straight to work. They asked me when I slept and I just laughed. I told them sleep is for those who are weak. The lady of the house I visit everyday probably agrees. She doesn't seem to sleep. Ken and Ariel seem to have it made. Maybe I'll take them home with me one night to see what I'm talking about. It's work work work. I have to make toys all night long until the wee hours of the morning and somehow schedule in my long flight back to the house so that I can reappear before those kids wake up. And don't even get me started on flight delays. I can't just take off wherever I please, I have to go through customs. As if I can hide something in this suit? I did hear a story once of an elf hiding stuff from his people home and bringing it back. I shudder to think of where he smuggled that in. I'm just overworked and overtired. Ken started to only pay attention to the third version of Up on the Rooftop and tuned me out, so I really got a chance to talk to Ariel. She's a good listener. I think her Dad used to treat her like Santa treats me. I'm really starting to like her. I told her about the other elves and how inadequate I feel. I have no desire to make a big ole mess in my house each night. After all, it's more for that lady to clean and by the looks of it, she's cleaning all day, everyday, as it is. That just seems wrong. Ariel agrees that the other elves seem to be overachievers. I mean, with so many of us elves, does Santa even really notice? No. The answer is, no. Since I started at this therapy I have made a few new friends who feel the same as me. Two elves named Bobo and Cutie are on the same page as me. Maybe they should join me. I'll have to see if I can squeeze them into this session, but if not, I plan to share some coping techniques......anyway, the night ended with Ariel briefly telling me about some Ursula witch who took her voice and sent her to land to fall in love. That Ursula sounds more to me like a witch with a B. Just sayin.....we wrapped the night all singing a quick Joy to the World. How ironic. I look forward to tomorrow night....I just hope Ken has some valuable input.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Underachievers Anonymous

This is the story. The story of an Elf who just couldn't get his sh*$ together. Try as he may, he just couldn't keep up with all of the other overachiever elf buddy's. He set out to find help. Help only those who understood the feeling could provide. This, is Sparky's story.
December 5th - My first meeting.

I discovered a great group of people. It's a small group, but they seem nice so far. I think one said his name was Ken and the girl, who doesn't seem to be with him, said her name was Ariel....or something like that. Ken is a mess. I'd like to think more than I am. I mean, I know it's supposed to be a judgement free zone, but the guy wore some kind of pin striped jumpsuit, or seersucker. Either way, guys don't wear onesies. But again, who am I to judge when the big guy himself has me wear a red fleece one piece get up with a girly collar. I mean come on. But anyway, back to Ken. He spoke first, he seems to be a pro at this meeting. He talked all about feeling the pressure and never living up to his name. He mentioned always feeling the tension and competition between him and some girl named Barbie, who I think lives in the house we meet in. But she never showed up, just dropped off some fancy cake as if that's what I need in a skin tight suit. Maybe she attends the overachievers meeting I saw also listed as this address, I just hope she spelled Anonymous correctly on their sign. Or maybe Ken lives here. I can't figure it out, so I'm anxious to hear more of his story. I started to wonder more about Ariel's story as he went on and on about clothes and cars; he seems a little materialistic. Ariel did finally get her chance, with a few rude interruptions from Ken. He's going to get on my nerves. She has some weird past. Something about living in the sea and leaving her family behind who are all princesses. She felt the pressure to conform but never felt right in her own skin.....or tail. I think she used to be a mermaid, at least that's what I gather. Again, strange story with that one, but I live in the same place eating milk and cookies all year, so maybe I'm the strange one. Anyway, she came lookin' a hot mess. I mean, she tried to dress nice, but has she heard of a comb? Maybe Ken would let her borrow one or two of his. Towards the end I finally introduced myself and briefly covered why I was there. I let them know where I was from and what my job was. As if it's not bad enough I have to watch over kids all day long, I then have to fly home and report in only to feel extremely annoyed when I hear about all of the other activities that the other elves have done.....getting into the toothpaste, destroying the Christmas tree, baking things. COME.ON. I laugh because they are just a bunch of brown nosin' pieces of reindeer poo. I'm so sick of it. I plan to tell them more, but it was only the first meeting and I didn't want to seem all pathetic. So we bid our adieu's and were on our way. I singed up for a month long session, meeting nightly. Guess I'm just hoping to feel better about this whole elf thing in the end.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I think I may have to lay the smack down on censorship. I'm all for a good song on the radio, movie on TV, show on Nickelodeon, but when my children cannot distinguish appropriate words or behaviors, I'm thinking it may be a problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good windows down, sunglasses on kind of roll around the neighborhood bobbing our heads to Justin Bieber's Boyfriend, after all, Kidz Bop isn't really my cup of tea, but I may have to invest in Salty's Sings Praises 4 after what I've experienced. The Instigator has always been more into "older" movies, and by that I mean Home Alone, The Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, etc. She wasn't really a princess movie junkie like the Silent Assassin is. That girl can buy more princess dolls than can be manufactured. She also enjoys the occasional princess song and/or Disney radio. However, there was a movie made that they love, the life story of none other than Katy Perry. And I must admit, I was completely ready to watch this movie, cried in my cheerios when they had to address the divorce between her and Russell Brand (gimme a break, I was pregnant), and even enjoy her songs now and again, but it's taken a turn for the worst I fear. The girls love to bring movies in the car. Favorite for the last few months has been, da da da daaaaaa, Katy Perry, making this the most seen movie in the car by far. Far exceeding Elmo, Cinderella and Mickey. No less than 50 times I'm sure. I have watched this movie, on a good ole fashion family fun movie Saturday, it was just the once. The girls can recite it though. They know every line. Every song. So you can imagine the surprise I got. It was a casual day, we had run some errands, the movie was on. Again. I usually give them headphones because, well let's be honest, I can recite it now too having just listened to it. But really, I hadn't paid all that much attention to her songs other than I thought "oh that's really cool, she's a Christian girl raised by Protestant Ministers and writes about her own life experiences". Did I mention that she married (and divorced) the comedian/actor Russell Brand? You know the one. The obnoxious long haired fellow. (fellow, how old am I?)...... The plot thickens. So again, we're having a lovely mother daughter day. Sade was playing on my pandora radio, The Innocent was sleeping, a rare car occasion, and the oldest of the two twinkle toes were quietly watching Katy Perry, the Movie. Life is grand. From time to time they'll blurt out a line or two, or a "baby you're a fiiiiiirework".....but this time, this particular day was like no other. Apparently there is a song, and act on stage, where she is wearing a peacock feathered outfit, as are her back up dancers. Now, according to young minds, this song is all about a colorful friendly peacock. But I'm no fool, I know better. I about lost control of the car and veered off the road when I hear the Silent Assassin, who is only 4, start singing "I wanna see your peacock, cock cock, your peacock, cock, cock....." Now I'm not a gambling woman, but I'm willing to be this is not about a peacock. Oy. After I gained my composure from half shock, half hysterics, I casually continued driving. I'd rather not make a huge deal of it, but I may have to start censoring. Ugh.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Sleep Circus

I half heartedly wrote this in my sleep last night. Wait, this morning. Sometime around 4 am. The Instigator slept through the night at 5 weeks. No really, 5 weeks. I'm not one of those boisterous mothers who brags about sleep for no good reason, she really did. However, because I bragged about it, the Silent Assassin arrived and gave me no less than 9 months of middle of the night misery. So what will "The Innocent" (Thank you Dawn DeStefano for the name) present us with? Time will tell. But so far, I'm not likin' it. She went a whole week doing a very nice 9pm-3 and 4am stretch. I thought, how nice, a girl could get used to this. Then, I talked about it. The fatal mistake. Two friends with babies, also new babies, came over and "Guess what she did last night, she slept from.....blah blah blah blah blah".....and bam, back up twice a night. I try to get my sorry self to bed and asleep by 9. Thankfully she likes to sit on her Daddy's lap with his foot shaking her no less than 100 shakes per minute, and his furnace body keeps her uber warm. So waking up at 2-3, not too shabby after a nice longer stretch like that. What gets me is the 4:30 feeding shortly after. And when I say short, I mean, short. That's just a cruel joke. Hey ma, look, no sleep. Then if that's not enough, we gotta do it again at 6:30?!?! I mean come on. I have no issues in the eating department. I don't need to graze and graze and graze. I don't do things half assed, no sir e. I eat my full meal, and then some, when presented with it. Then I hibernate. So this up night stuff, my dear third child, has got to stop. I always wake up hopeful, thinking, well, SURELY she will be exhausted today so we'll take a nap. Yes, I really said that. I know, I know, I'm super hilarious (or delusional). It doesn't happen. I spend my mornings holding, feeding, holding, feeding, get it. Throw in a few 10 minute fake out naps and it's lunchtime. I hold her, throw together some non-nutritional lunch for the poor Silent Assassin with one hand and the routine resumes. I some times get a long nap out of her, you know, in the car when there is no way in high heaven you can nap. Sigh. I'd definitely sell a kidney on the black market right now all in the name of a nap......over and out. The Innocent has woken up. Shocker.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I took a leave of absence.....

See what happens when you disappear?!?! You can come back with such news as "I had a baby"....although I did announce the pregnancy, so no shocker there. We all know the end result. She's here, nonetheless. She came in a fury. One month early, ass to the world calling for none other than an emergency c-section and faked her preemie status as "good" only to end up back in the NICU for 7 days with "failure to thrive". Yep, she's good to go now and our world is crazy. Crazier than the Instigator and the Silent Assassin you ask?!?! Oh yes, we've added to our chaos. This world of three kids is nonstop. Do ask yourself if you're ready for that if you're contemplating adding another being to your brood. People tried to tell me. But it's like trying to tell me not to eat that last piece of cake. I don't listen. Unlike cake, however, I don't regret this.....can't call it a choice because she was a big ole surprise, but I don't regret that night of too much wine. Anyhoo, so here we are. Three kids, two dogs, one cat and a partridge in a pear tree. I regret not blogging more earlier, there certainly has been enough to write about. Like today for example. I'm a walking Zombie, which is really good for me since Zombies are so "in" right now. Hopefully I'm doing it justice. The "insert name here" was up all night. I shoved one off to school and have been trying ever since for her to go back down so that I can nap. I came close, twice, but it was just a cruel joke she was playing. The kid sleeps with one eye open. I'm not kidding, she literally does, and I think it's for the simple pleasure of torturing me. It's like her periscope on a submarine.....I can just hear that alert going off in her head "mom's trying to sit, go, go, go....."......and bam, WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! It happens all day and during any nap or meal times. Hey, she has been a great weight loss technique. And the silent assasin is home with me, which may I point out is no longer "silent" by any means. She was removed from preschool to stay home with me and as her sister said, has no friends, so today she played hide n seek with the family a-hole dog. Granted, I was laughing, but I didn't want to. Laughter is not the best medicine today as I wanted to wallow in my own self pity. Must.get.sleep. About the time I did get her to really take a nap, which I'll regret come 2 am, it's time to start on dinner. So here I am, waiting on my dinner to simmer so that I may move onto step 2 of the ham soup I decided on making today, blogging instead of napping. I've really become a fan of makeup lately. It covers the darkest of circles. And wine, I was reunited with my buddy wine......reunited, and it feels sooooo good. Anyway, glad to be back. Stick around. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Oh, and perhaps you can help me give this one a name. Any suggestions? The Instigator, the Silent Assassin and the......

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Summer Lovin.....

I regret ever saying "let's get together this summer when things slow down". Who the heck ever said things slow down in the summer? I should have known better. This is my third summer this way. We're into our 4th week and so far we've done two VBS's (is that plural even correct?!?!) a week off to recoop and cancelled this week's swim camp. Yep, I'm the horrible parent who cancelled swim camp. An all important camp. Oh well. She can swim. But I must say, I'm rather enjoying the Selena Gomez concert they're putting on for me and all of the chalk dust on the floor from their coloring. That's what really matters in life right? I'm adding a new set of books to my "I'm reading" list, not that anyone cares, but if you're like me (and you've read this blog) then you know why I'm reading these books. One is, Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman.
And the other one is, Raising Your Spirited Child
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

So far I've only been able to dive into the first, and so far, I'm one guilty parent. I think somewhere in there he says something along the lines of a good ole take it or leave it, and THAT I love. It doesn't make me feel like I've done everything all wrong, but he did provide some suggestions. My point is, what is it about summer that makes these kiddo's lose their minds?!?! I've already lost mine. Maybe I need to find a book that is titled, Making Children Mind after You've Lost Yours......hmmmm, I'm onto something. Can someone in the cuckoo's nest really be a good parent? I suppose time will tell. I mean, as I was just trying to do one simple task this summer, ie: check out these helpful books, the one child that I did have that day took books about Texas history off the shelf, threw it on the floor and refused to pick it up. We had a stand off, and I do mean stand off, to see who A) who could stand there longer or B) who would finally pick the dang book up. Guess who won? Surely there is a chapter on consistency I haven't gotten to yet...... Hoping your summer is going as crazy as mine. Did I mention I'm absolutely, completely and utterly terrified of having this third child? Oy.

Monday, April 9, 2012

A Cameo from the nephew....

As I was spending Easter with family yesterday my Brother and Sister-in-law reminded me of a funny Spring Break moment. We all were able to travel to Utah for Spring Break this year, be together and ski. Yes, I'm pregnant, and yes, I skied. OH THE HORROR! I don't follow rules well, what's new. Anyway, at night, if I made it past the hour of 8 pm, we would watch tv or a movie together. This particular night, my oldest nephew aka the pre-teener, went downstairs to watch something he wanted to watch. I had made a little pallet on the floor for Sophia and decided I'd lay down with her as well. But as I'm laying there I think, hmmm, a few pillows sure would be nice. I say "where is an extra pillow?". To which my Brother and SIL reply "oh you can go to our room and get one, we have a lot on the bed." Great. Downstairs I go. I knock on the door since I knew the nephew was in and say "are there any spare pillows in here?" After all, I don't want to just barge in and demand a pillow having been already told they were in fact in there. I'm looking at him lounging on the bed, watching tv, with each arm out to the side in a "t" position and he says matter of factly "not in here". Dumbfounded I thought, hmmm, but he's laying against 6 pillows. S-I-X pillows. At that moment I'm in a bit of shock as to how to proceed and just slowly and quietly shut the door. I go back upstairs empty handed and say, well, I asked him for a pillow and he replied there weren't any in there. It was seriously, one of the funniest pre-teen boy encounters I believe I've had. As he's laying there like a King on the fluffiest SIX pillows I had ever seen and I'm just wishing I had one, I couldn't help but laugh. Apparently, I need to branch out blogging about other kids too because that was hilarious. And for the record, shortly after, I was given a pillow. :)

Monday, March 19, 2012

We're having a baby......again

So all of these posts should make sense now, as to why my child continues to be a Jenny Craig advocate. I'm not just getting fat, I'm growing a baby. Again. We have been dying to tell our daughters for a while, but didn't want to go through what we went through last year. Here is my story:

End of January I was in a bootcamp and getting in shape....but had to stop when suddenly....I was going through my early spring cleaning phase and cleaning out closets and rooms. As I came into the bathroom, I discovered a pregnancy test. I had absolutely no reason to take one, but who doesn't love peeing on a stick for fun. I found one opened, but not taken, from who knows when or how long ago. So, curiosity killed the cat and there I went to pee on it. Do you think I expected what was to come? No sir-e-bob. Two days "early" if you know what I mean, two blue lines popped up as fast and as dark as could be. And yes, I ripped open the test to look closer at the paper because I was in disbelief.

However, I was in complete denial and thought, well isn't that interesting....but no way that's possible. No.Way.Possible. We were pretty busy that day, so I just informed the Husband that we need to stop at the store for a test because we needed to see what was going on. And with a shocked panicked look, he had no words. Later that night I had picked up some digital tests, after all, who needs to obsess over lines, no lines, plus signs, no plus signs....I mean it's more confusing than your friggin' taxes. Just give me a straight answer. Pregnant or Not Pregnant. And again, the dang test pops up a "pregnant" within a minute.

The least amount of time it "can show up". WHAT!?!?!!? Pregnant? How? When? What I tell the Husband who then says "well, ok". I guess after the 5th time announcing "babe, I'm pregnant", it loses its luster. And the craziest part? I found out exactly a year from my surgery of the ectopic pregnancy in January 2011. Talk about a sign. Dave says I was on a conference call with God, but failed to buzz him in on it. The beginning was no easy ride, in fact, some days were completely scary. Thus the decision to wait to tell the Instigator, who surely has informed her entire elementary school by now, and the Silent Assassin, who I'm sure will come up with some way to tell everyone.....that is when she realizes or cares about what's about to happen to her baby status. So over our ski trip to Utah last week with our family, we told our daughters. The week before she found out, Rylee came to me one morning and said "Mommy, I talked to God last night and asked for a brother, and he said YES!".....

So here I am.....or was last week. Growing too quickly for my liking, but I guess that's what 5 pregnancies will do to ones body.

And here is our little baby.

So that's it. Here we go again. Think and pray your blue-est thoughts and prayers. I don't want to know the gender, but sadly, I've been outnumbered in my household. So we will know in t-minus 9 weeks!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig.....whatever

I think Sophia needs to be a weight loss advocate. The girl will set you straight in no time. I'm cooking dinner the other night, a nice whole wheat spaghetti and turkey meat with homemade sauce and salad mind you, and the child says....."mommy" (as if in disgust) "LOOK at your tummy." About that time Rylee comes around the corner and says, what's wrong with it? I say, it's sticking out. Rylee, now quickly turning in to my little angel who really, genuinely cares about feelings, says as she sticks hers out as far as it goes "like this?" I said, yep, like that. She says "well, maybe just a little". That's a better delivery than Sophia's blow. But Sophia goes on to disagree and say "nope, it's a fat tummy." I mean, what would the child do if I was truly obese? I certainly don't mean that in a derogatory manner towards those who are overweight, but she sure is in tune with when my stomach is "no longer a fat tummy" vs "a fat tummy". Who needs bikini pics of yourself positioned correctly around the house? Who needs a picture of a cow or pig on the fridge to make you steer clear? Nobody when you have Sophia around. So I warn you now, if ever my child is around and says something to you, take it with a grain of salt and wear your big girl (or boy) panties. She's brutal.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Maybe I should join Jenny Craig?

It's been one week over a year since I had my surgery last year, the ectopic pregnancy. I thought it was going to be a very hard month, but I pulled through surprisingly well. Let me get to the point, the other day Rylee, as she randomly does here and there, decides that we're going to "have a brother". Bless her heart, last year when we lost the baby she basically said "that's ok, we can just go get another one". As if they're just on display and for sale next to the peanut butter and jelly. Ah, that one looks good, bathe him, we'll take him! :) Silly girl. Anyway, I've had some stomach issues and pain lately and I've been working from home and seeing my Dr. The other day she says, "did you work from home?" I told her yes, she asked why and I said, well, because my stomach still hurts. She says to me "I know why", I look at her as if she's my Dr. who has just come in for results and she says "it's because you're having a brother!" Man, she's relentless. I say, nope, sorry, but thanks for the diagnosis. So that night we say to Sophia, hey sissy, do you want mommy to have a baby? She says "NO!!!". I laugh and say "sissy wants one, why not?"......she says, and I quote "Because you'll get a biiiiig faaaaaat tummy!". It was just one week ago that she said to me "heeeeey, Mommy, you don't have a fat tummy anymore!" Wow, is there something I'm missing? Has she learned my behaviors? She is so concerned with my weight. No need to post an old bikini pic of myself on the fridge for motivation. No. No need to put out my old "skinny" pants and shorts to remind me to go on that run, no no! Just ask your 3 year old how you look and she'll gladly fill you in. Shoot, good thing that's all I apparently have going on because I'd hate to see what she thinks of my hair or clothes! Guess I should thank her for looking out for me. I'm research weight watchers, jenny craig, or sign up for the Biggest Loser. Silly girl....

Thursday, January 19, 2012

She's a bit high maintenance....

Like mother like daughter has really, taken on an all new meaning. When I had our first daughter, I thought, oh Lord, paybacks are hell. Then, I had another one. Little did I know. I'm a firm believer in karma, or reaping what you sow, or what have you. And man am I getting it back 5 fold. I had plenty of corner moments. You know, "Alison, go stand in the corner!".....and my children don't know the meaning of that. Once, they learned it at Grammy's, but it's funny how it isn't as enforced as a grandchild. So that leaves me to do the parenting. Ho hum. So far this morning Sophia has called me stupid and stuck her tongue out at me. Don't worry, it didn't go unpunished. The Instigator sure tested her limits, but this one has a sharp tongue. She's a little stinker. Which brings me to the actual point of today's entry. Each morning, she steals my coffee. I started making her decaf when I realized she actually likes the stuff. Shoot, it took finals and a few all nighters in college to finally drink a cup. (and when I say a few all nighters, I literally mean, just a few.....maybe I didn't study hard enough). Since then I'm thinking I should either Franchise a Starbucks or at least purchase some stock. And Sophia is quickly following suit. The child loves a latte. She loves it black. She loves it anyway she can take it. I can just see it now, she's 16 in line for her morning coffee before school and she stands there and spouts out the most ridiculous order......"tall, nonfat, soy, half caff, vanilla latte, extra shot".....HA. And Dave thought it was going to be clothes and shoes that were the end of our finances......Lord help me.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

We have real life Willy Wonka's

So not only do my children look just like their Daddy, although I so graciously shared my body for 9+ months with each of them, but they also take after him in the candy eating department. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good box of Dots on a rainy day or Milk Duds at the movies, but I certainly don't need to buy it like we have stock in it. Wine, however....well, that's another story. These girls have been known to be dead asleep and hear the rattling of a candy bag or wrapper and sit up and say "I WANT SOME!". Shoot, if you go in and kiss them goodnight after eating a sweet tart they sit up and *sniff sniff* - Did you have a purple sweet tart? WHAT?!?! How do they do that? I have told Dave numerous times that he needs to become a closet candy eater because these girls are going to have some serious dental problems, but he doesn't listen. Dinner time alone has become a series of negotiations worse than selling and buying a home for how many bites we must eat until we get this said candy. I suppose this could be a gift that they have. Maybe we should buy stock in candy or open up our own Wonka Factory? Ohhhh, we could hire some oompa loompa's!! Okay okay, so that's a bit crazy. But surely there is something they can do with this gift. Today I caught Sophia in the dining room while I was making her lunch. I said three times "Sophia, get out of the dining room"....after all there is a massive amount of breakable glass in that room....yet she never budged. Finally I walk in, find her under the table and she's eating chewy jolly ranchers! So now, I have finally achieved the closet candy eater, but just not with the person I told to do so. If ever you find a golden ticket in your chocolate bar, it could be from me. I think that candy making may be our calling. Guess I shouldn't fight it anymore......

Friday, January 6, 2012

How long did I sleep?

Apparently I have a teenage girl and I didn't know it. In the last week, the following has happened with the Instigator. And she's not yet 6.

1 - After getting bags of clothes from our neighbor as hand me downs (thanks Leigha!) she decided one morning to try on the "bigger" ones. She came out with a big Hollister t-shirt (although saying "big" to a Hollister tshirt is an oxymoron)....and she also had on something that she thought was shorts that say "cheer" on the rear. I'm thinking these were/are really panties. Anyway, she has her shirt hanging off of her shoulder, tied up on one side with a rubberband and the cheer "shorts". I say, oh, I see you found the bag of clothes?!?!? She said yes, I want more shirts she pulls it off her shoulder more. She's got another thing comin' if she thinks I'm going to allow her out of the house lookin' like that!!

2 - Just as I get over the tshirt incident thinking, oh that's funny, she informs her Pawpaw, and me and Daddy while overhearing this phone conversation, that she is in fact dating a boy. A teenage boy and he's 18 and they "go out". WHAT? Dave immediately says "you better not be or we're going to have some problems"......and I do know she is speaking of Kendall from Big Time Rush, aka BTR, but I do prefer that she doesn't broadcast this information.

3 - I'm sitting at morning assembly today and sat next to her friend's Dad. I didn't realize I had been sitting by him until he says "I hear Rylee has a birthday coming up".....I said, she does! He says to me "M came home telling me that Rylee is having a party and there will be teenagers there", to which a good Dad responded with "ummm, then you're not going". I had to clarify that she meant that she wants to have a few of the local Drill Team girls (Cavalettes) come and teach the girls a little routine and perform for the parents, thus the "teenagers".

How will I ever survive the real teenage years? She already rolls her eyes, tells me "that's embarassing" and asked me the other day where her bra was. (Grammy bought that one for her, not me)......holy monkey, where's the tylenol.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Year, New Post, New Potty?

Another year gone. Where does the time go? I wonder what 2012 will bring.....surely more comedy from the girls. We wrapped up the end of the year and went out with a bang for the holidays. But now it's time to move on and today, I'd like to discuss the art of potty training. What is it about the potty that doesn't appeal to this child? Rylee was done with ease shortly after 2. Yet the Silent Assassin, in true Silent Assassin form, finds every nook and cranny of the house to do her business in a pull up then proceed to tell me about it. If you KNOW you have to go, just tell me for Pete sake. (who is Pete and why is it for his sake?).....anyway, I've tried the special singing potty, a potty that looks like a frog (why a frog, is that more interesting to pee on?), I've tried candy, an arsenal of m&m's, gummy bears, hershey's kisses....shoot we've even resorted to promising 100 bones should she decide in a month she will be diaper free. No dice. Let me just say that I'm sick of supporting pampers and their multi billion dollar business of poo catchers. I know she won't get married this way, let's hope, or she may not get married. But o.m.g. let's do this thing! Her allergies prevent us from being able to really attack the numero dos department, I'll spare those details, but surely a little sprinkle in the froggy is possible. So, I simply leave it at if you have any magical mystery tips on how to get this child to give up these poo catchers from hell, please do share. Oh, and let me just note we've done the whole "just put her in panties"'s messy, she doesn't care and if you know how OCD we are, this is just not a good solution, but thanks.

Side note, I bought a Bissell Little Green and I've been in Heaven. It's like cleaning heaven in a little plastic contraption. Two thumbs up Bissell, two thumbs up.