Tuesday, July 27, 2010

What did you say?

Kids should really come with a translation book or manual. These shouldn't be kept for foreign languages. I realize I'm a mother, and this should be ingrained in me, I get it, but sometimes I need some help. Let me just start with a few words and translate for you.

Foofelzs - You know, brown twisted salty little numbers AKA Pretzels.
Foofis - Little golden snacks in the shape of fish, aka, Goldfish.
Cack - While standing at the fridge trying to open the ginormous french doors, one can only assume this means "Milk".
Thithy - Her counterpart, we all know her as The Instigator, but for translation sake, this means, Sissy.

Now if one isn't careful a conversation could go as follows:
"Good morning sweetie! Did you have a good night night?"
- aeys (procounced "ice" or "eyes")
- Points to her eyes and says "eyes!" as if she's discovered this for the first time.
"Yes, those are your eyes, did you have a good night night?"
- aeys!
.......OH! *lightbulb* she means YES!
"Good, I'm glad! Let's go find thithy......"

It's these little things that keep me going sometimes. Conversations with adults are highly overrated. And while I'm thinking about it, this was never an issue with The Instigator. Nope, Rylee came out talking. By 15 months she could demand that she will eat when she wants or not participate in timeout as clear as day. I simply say that I hope you always have a mother nearby when talking to a 20 month old because if not, I wish you the best.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ode to the Shore

Pardon my absence, we were doing some good ole fist pumpin' at the Jersey Shore. Ok, so not really, but we did find a few "situation" shirts, walked several boardwalks and The Instigator came home with a true Jersey type hat. Many things happened on our trip, some funny, some not so much. Let me recap a bit.

1) Driving on the Garden State Parkway. You better make sure you don't have to go. With stops ranging in the 20-28 mile areas, you're holding it. It's not like the great state of Texas where you find gas stations as you please or just pull over and see a man about a horse. No no, you're holding it in. Twice, we had just stopped for a group potty trip and twice, Rylee went. However, 5 miles from the fun park she claims she didn't get it all out and well.....you know the rest. Ever had a 4 year old tell you she "HAS TO GO!"....moving on.

2) While at dinner, there has to be a way to muffle kiddo's mouths. Right? Or in public in general. I can't exactly recall where we were, restaurant or public, but Rylee has no filtering system. As she jumps up to do something, whatever crazy thing it was, she proclaims, "my panties!!!!" to which my Mother and Sister-in-law reply, "what about them?" and she then says "they're upstairs!" Now if someone didn't hear this, I'd be surprised. Panties.....upstairs. I suppose better than downstairs?!?!?

3) And our third and final notable recap, and on a serious note, keep those kiddo's swimmin. Granted my theory is usually, if they do something once they won't do it again, but when it comes to water it's a bit scary to adopt that philosophy. The Instigator is a pretty gosh darn good swimmer now. (Insert shout out to good ole Mrs. I)....but The Silent Assasin, also quietly slips herself into a pool faster than Mike "The Situation" can hook up. I could see it coming, but gave her space. While at the pool at the hotel on the shore, Sophia took a dive. Face first, flailing around, it wasn't pretty. Rylee calmly swam over and said "sister", with sarcasm as if to say "what the heck do you think you're doing?!?!", picked her up, handed her to me and swam off. As if nothing had happened. I was a bit shaken, but she was alive. A bit shaken herself, but in the long run the "they won't do it again" philosophy did work and she steered clear of bending down to fish things out of the pool after that.

Overall, awesome trip. New Englad is, as always, a fun place to visit. Jersey Shore, Boardwalks, NYC, Yankee's Game.....ahhhh, good ole fashion family fun. I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The best day of her life......

As the 4th of July (insert Happy Birthday America here) came and went, we made sure to fill it with fun. Since we decided not to go out and celebrate with a mass of people, we picked up some fireworks from the local "I could go up in flames at any minute" stand. Really though, that would be a heck of a show to see....granted it would be pretty loud and dangerous, I secretly would like to see a fireworks stand go up. Anyhoo, we bought your average sparklers, more like rocket launchers. Since when do sparklers shoot out and go all over the place? Who is behind that one? "Kid friendly" my ass. The Silent Assasin was swinging hers around like a samarai sword and burned her eye. But that didn't stop her. Oh no, she kept on going. The Instigator asked the entire time "when are we going to do the fireworks"....and I replied, this is it! To which she replies, this is the best day of my life. Score. If that was the best day of her life, it'll be easy to keep her happy. We even saved the biggest one for last for our big finish and the little one didn't know what to make of that. She continued to clap some, scream some and ran around in circles. And at the end, she decided to take a grandiose bow. As if she had done all the work?!?!?! Overall, she thought it was better than, well not sliced bread, but maybe pretzels. She's much more of a pretzel monger. And overall, a great holiday with these two crazy towns. I'd say it was a success.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Case and Point

Not even 24 hours after the introduction of The Instigator and The Silent Assasin, we have proof that these names are not only well suited, but absolutely lived up to.

7:45 in the a.m. - We wake and get breakfast going. It's a pretty standard morning, with a little rain. Breakfast is ready and the girls are eating. Since these two cannot sit through a meal like a man cannno sit through the ballet, food typically is wasted, or in a trail leading to who knows where. Now, I've been known to throw out the ole "there are starving kids in China" line....but you know, is China really the right place for this? I just ask. I grew up hearing this, or maybe it was my own ignorant assumption, but I'm thinking and correct me if I'm wrong, that since most of the stuff I see says "made in China" that they're not the people I should refer to. Also, we don't house Hansel and Gretel, so why the food trail? Forget expensive gym memberships, who needs those. You can get your very own workout simply picking up food and toys. Abs from bending, check - back workout from bending, check - biceps/shoulders from lifting and lugging around The Silent Asssasin, check.....it's really just their way of helping me and The Sucker out. After all, OCD anal cleanliness is overruled by these two. Anyway, back to the main point here, which is The Silent Assasin. As breakfast sits and The Instigator and I go about our business, the other quickly and quietly steals the Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit sitting at the table. Yes, it's the Instigator's and undoubtedly half the size of her face. Once this is realized pigs fly and well, you know what breaks loose here. Our day has begun......