Thursday, December 6, 2012

Underachievers Anonymous

This is the story. The story of an Elf who just couldn't get his sh*$ together. Try as he may, he just couldn't keep up with all of the other overachiever elf buddy's. He set out to find help. Help only those who understood the feeling could provide. This, is Sparky's story.
December 5th - My first meeting.

I discovered a great group of people. It's a small group, but they seem nice so far. I think one said his name was Ken and the girl, who doesn't seem to be with him, said her name was Ariel....or something like that. Ken is a mess. I'd like to think more than I am. I mean, I know it's supposed to be a judgement free zone, but the guy wore some kind of pin striped jumpsuit, or seersucker. Either way, guys don't wear onesies. But again, who am I to judge when the big guy himself has me wear a red fleece one piece get up with a girly collar. I mean come on. But anyway, back to Ken. He spoke first, he seems to be a pro at this meeting. He talked all about feeling the pressure and never living up to his name. He mentioned always feeling the tension and competition between him and some girl named Barbie, who I think lives in the house we meet in. But she never showed up, just dropped off some fancy cake as if that's what I need in a skin tight suit. Maybe she attends the overachievers meeting I saw also listed as this address, I just hope she spelled Anonymous correctly on their sign. Or maybe Ken lives here. I can't figure it out, so I'm anxious to hear more of his story. I started to wonder more about Ariel's story as he went on and on about clothes and cars; he seems a little materialistic. Ariel did finally get her chance, with a few rude interruptions from Ken. He's going to get on my nerves. She has some weird past. Something about living in the sea and leaving her family behind who are all princesses. She felt the pressure to conform but never felt right in her own skin.....or tail. I think she used to be a mermaid, at least that's what I gather. Again, strange story with that one, but I live in the same place eating milk and cookies all year, so maybe I'm the strange one. Anyway, she came lookin' a hot mess. I mean, she tried to dress nice, but has she heard of a comb? Maybe Ken would let her borrow one or two of his. Towards the end I finally introduced myself and briefly covered why I was there. I let them know where I was from and what my job was. As if it's not bad enough I have to watch over kids all day long, I then have to fly home and report in only to feel extremely annoyed when I hear about all of the other activities that the other elves have done.....getting into the toothpaste, destroying the Christmas tree, baking things. COME.ON. I laugh because they are just a bunch of brown nosin' pieces of reindeer poo. I'm so sick of it. I plan to tell them more, but it was only the first meeting and I didn't want to seem all pathetic. So we bid our adieu's and were on our way. I singed up for a month long session, meeting nightly. Guess I'm just hoping to feel better about this whole elf thing in the end.

No comments:

Post a Comment