Monday, February 28, 2011

Ode to Monday.

So far today.....

1) I woke up to powder sugared donuts everywhere. I position foods, snacks, drink, etc to where the girls can get them. I'm starting to rethink this move. I came into the kitchen to find a shirtless, soggy diaper, powdered sugared mouth toddler crumbling up the donuts and throwing them on the floor. Then the child looks at me as if I'm stupid and says "sissy did it".....let it be known that "sissy" was no where to be found, so her blatant lie did no good.

2) As I walk around to assess the damage of these two roaming the house alone, I discover a brown substance on the stairs. I bend down and Holy Monkey it's poop. I grab a nearby wipe and go to town. No dice, this one requires Oxy Clean. Apparently after destroying the playroom upstairs and ditching their shirts, the diaper shirtless wonder pooped then scooted down each step leaving behind a trail. You know, similar to that of a dog scooting on the carpet. Good fun. It wasn't even 8:30.

3) We left the house, ran some errands, squeezed in some me time at the gym and headed home for lunch. I leave the scene of the breakfast crime long enough to walk in my room and back to discover Sophia dumping her entire box of goldfish in my slipper. IN MY SLIPPER! What is that about?!?!!? She goes to eat one and I catch her mid act. I toss the goldfish, clean out my slipper and attempt to lecture about how we don't eat goldfish out of slippers until I realize what I'm saying...."we don't eat goldfish out of slippers"?!??! Why do I even have to put those words into a sentence?

4) I get lunch ready, unload some dishes and by 2 pm attempt to make myself some lunch. As I'm opening my can of black beans, the black psycho racist cat we have comes running. (really, she's whacko) Then I hear the moan. You know the moan no animal naturally lets out unless something is terribly wrong? I know this one too well though. Did I also mention the cat is bulimic? She decided today was a good day to go up to the destroyed playroom and proceed to eat the fake grass skirt brought back from Hawaii for Rylee as a dress up set, come downstairs, let her presence be known and vomit up green stringy skirt goo. Not once, but twice.

I wonder what else today has in store for, it's only Monday! I was given a violent thrust back to reality and hearing faint voices saying "vacation, pssshh, welcome back".

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