Errands seemed like a good idea....

Why is it that errands must be so dang difficult with kids? They are inevitable, they have to get done, I don't always enjoy them either, so what gives? It's like all hell breaks lose the minute we step foot into a store. And you know, it seems that everyone else has kids who strapped on their listening ears for the day and quietly and calmly walk right next to them. My kiddo's, if they're not strapped into the cart, they're running amuck. The Instigator, in true instigator fashion, finds a reason to throw a fit everytime, or like today, trips over my feet and lands head first into the handle of the shopping cart. Now, I'd earn the horrible mother of the year title if I ignored this little mishap, so here I am knelt down hugging her as she sobs complete with red bump in between her eyes and what happens.....the other one pipes in. She now sees that the other child has gotten my attention and cannot stand it, so she launches herself into a full bout of tantrum throwing. As we push on and get to the baby section I stop and think, hmmm, what's that smell? That rancid, awful, horrible knock you out kind of smell? The Instigator says "SISSY, YOU STINK!".....so we find the restroom (thank you to the guy who oh so brilliantly placed them near the baby section) and push the entire cart into the restroom. This Mom and her two kids I swear saw us heading that way and took off like the Indy 500 to get to the "Family Restroom" before me. Fine, we'll go in the normal one. As I get in there, I realize that I have to open the new box of diapers and the new wipes. No problem, except for the fact that mister inspector #32 taped the box so damn tight that only an exacto knife could cut through it. COME ON, just ONE diaper is all I need. I scramble for my keys....no where to be found. *Lightbulb* The silent assassin stole them when the head trauma occurred earlier in our trip. I find them, change her and we're on our way. But not before running into someone we know, throwing food all over the ground and having a complete meltdown as I checkout. 20 items people. I was able to checkout in the fast checkout.....but there was nothing "fast" about the small amount of items that I just got. There went an entire hour. An hour! I could have done this all at lightning speed if only it were just me. I suppose I brought this upon myself when I so selfishly tried to squeeze a quick workout in prior to running these errands....perhaps next time I'll remember this before venturing out again. One would hope.....

I swear I don't drink that much.....

Wednesday's are our "Church" days. I go to Mom to Mom and the girls go to their respective rooms to learn about the Bible, sing songs, color and overall, have a good time. We're there for 2 hours so that I can listen to the materials and attend my small group. Basically a group of Moms like me who are going through the same things. I love it. It's been a good thing. So today we go, running late as usual. Today I'm just glad I got a bath. I admit that sometimes we're in such a rush to get up, changed, dressed, fed, etc, that bath takes a backseat. Yep, I'm the stinky kid in class. Let's keep that between us though. I'm sure all those cute Moms (refer to yesterday's post) surely have time to bathe. At least today, I bathed, just didn't make it with makeup. Again, neither here nor there. So after my group is over and the two hours have flown by faster than the first year of a baby's life, I go pick up my crazy cats. First stop, Sophia's room. She did well and had a great time. Wonderful! On to Rylee's room. She shows me a plant she's planted, aka a pot of dirt that we will watch bloom next spring, and a picture she colored and I'm on my way. Halfway down the hall and on my way to leave, a sweet young girl says "she's hilarious". I say "she's crazy!" She keeps laughing and says to me "Today we learned the importance of healthy foods" (as Rylee chews her 2nd or perhaps 3rd tootsie roll....before lunch.....*gasp*....I know I'm that Mom)......and I say, oh really that's cool, she needs that talk! I guess I've left healthy eating habits lecture for someone else because our house is full of candy. And her teeth will probably fall out. I'm rambling. So this girl then proceeds to tell me "yep, we learned about healthy foods and cut them out of a magazine and glued them to a piece of paper". Again, I'm very proud and happy they did this. She's learned a ton, thank you Mom to Mom people......but then, as I'm glowing in my proud moment she says.....and again I quote "she even found a picture of a bottle of wine and said I HAVE to put this one on my paper because MY Mom LOVES wine!"........red face......heart melting.....bowing head.....tail between my legs......(remember, I'm in a Church).......I say "I swear I don't drink THAT much." DOH! Fish is to water like Mommy is to wine. Oh man......this is going to be a long 18 years.

Oh the joys of parenting.....

Twice a week I take our girls to "preschool"....which does teach them a lot, but it's only from 9-1, so it feels more like a Mother's Day Out. Although, I do wonder what Mother's Day Out means because I have to go put in some time at work while they're there. I'd much rather be at the gym or nail salon. But that's neither here nor there. I love the school, I really do, but sometimes I feel like less of a Mom. So many cute Mom's, in their Mercedes or Escalades, in their cute little clothes.....*eye roll*.....I just don't have time for all of that. Really. Although if my super saver wants to buy me one of those cars, I won't say no. ;) Honestly though, when do they get all cute because I know from 7-8:30 am it's get them dressed, fed and out the door. Maybe if I got up at 5 or 6 am? No thanks! I cherish that extra bit of sleep when I'm exhausted from our activities the day before. Aren't they? Point is, I show up today with somewhat of a cute outfit, but the dirtiest hair known to man rockin my perma-pony. Surely everyone can see this grease, but I owned it. So I take Rylee in her class and realized I had signed up for Holiday Stickers for the class. I looked and looked for Halloween stickers that don't include the typical ghost, witch, skull and crossbones, since after all, this is a Christian church preschool, and the teacher gives me her suggestion and I'm on my way. I get in the car, look in the mirror and WHAT THE....I have a "flake" in my nose. Not a full on booger like that of the dorky kid in Diary of a Wimpy Kid, but a white flake. Regardless of the size, it was there while I talked to all the people I talked to. How nice. Now, I'm not in Middle School, so this isn't detrimental to my survival to society, but why didn't someone tell me? I guess I wouldn't have either if I don't really know the person. Ho hum. Today I am known as the booger lady. Attractive. As if the greasy hair wasn't bad enough.......surely I'm not alone on all of this.

Oh, and let me just also note that Rylee thinks the movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid is called....get ready....."Diarrhea Kid"....so not only am I the unfashionable mom who has boogers in her nose, but I also have "that kid" who repeats things like "We watched Diarrhea Kid" to the class and her teachers who then wonder what the heck we aren't teaching at home. Let's hope this week improves.

Learning about inside voices

Dear Dora the Explorer,

I appreciate you being my babysitter for a little while today while I cook the girls' lunch. However, I have a little bone to pick with you. I'm trying to teach my children the importance of our voice and when to use it loudly and when to talk softly. For example, a great use of our outside voice might be if we see a snake. An example of a good quiet inside voice is to quietly tell Mommy or Daddy in church that you have to go number two and not alert the entire congregation. See, these are things that are important to us and I feel important to others around us with children as well. When I work hard on this very thing, I think you're negating everything by telling these impressionable kiddo's to in fact YELL as loud as you can "SWIPER!" if they see him. After all, you can't really hear them warn you of this clepto fox can you? Unless I have some type of 22nd century interactive television that I was unaware of. If you could keep this in mind, I'd really appreciate it. Please pass the word along to Mickey and the gang while calling for Toodles. There's a time and a place. Perhaps if your parents were actually present during these learning adventures, they might teach you the importance of 'the inside voice' as well. Just sayin'. Thank you though for teaching colors and numbers. That is a bonus which will allow us to continue watching you trample through jungles, mountains and rivers all to get home.

Sincerely a concerned parent,
Alison DeStefano

Dr's Visits....Must they be so terrible?

I think the title says it all. I dread going to a Doctor for the girls like I dread getting the flu. I'm also hoping this isn't just me. I mean, sure, no Mom wants to take their kiddo's to get shots, but we seem to frequent the Dermatologist and Allergist more than we have to get the dreaded shots. Today was a repeat visit for a skin issue for The Instigator, and along the way I decided to drop off The Silent Assassin! Thank goodness because taking both of them is my worst nightmare. Let me preface this by saying that I have taken both to this Doctor before, however, it will never happen again. This office is a dual Dermo and Allergist in one. You walk in to the fancy schmancy Mediterranean style building through their fancy schmancy wrought iron doors and it's all white. White? I halfway feel like I'm about to be strapped down in a mental jacket (although that wouldn't be so bad after the visit) and halfway feel like I left Austin and entered California. Did I mention this place also does Cosmetic Surgery? I think you have to have had something done before you're hired. And I don't say that to knock it, after all my girls aren't the same (you know what I mean), but I mention it because I feel like I have to wear my most trendy outfit, purse and accessories just to go to the appointment......and let me insert this note - I don't have many of these "trendy" items....I'm a Mom. Anyway, the first time we visited this white room of nightmares, my children wrote on the white leather couch with a pen. I simply told the woman at the desk who then looked at me as if I came into her own house and let my kids run wild with markers throughout. Come on lady, use a wipe. So we find ourselves there again today and it was the the recurring nightmare. Running around, from one chair to the next, multiple potty trips (including a numero dos) and pulling the Doctors gloves from the boxes and trying them all on. Oh, and apparently they pay to print pamphlets as writing material for my children. How nice of them! Why......why do these appointments wreak havoc on my sanity?