Dog days of winter....

I'm normally not one to divulge this information, but I feel safe knowing I am surrounded by law enforcement on my street. Dave went hunting, his first deer hunting trip and I.....well, I'm playing single mom. I give the biggest props to single moms because I'm dying here. Last night was a cake walk compared to today. We played outside, rode bikes, enjoyed the neighbors company, even had a sleepover in our bed and lights were out and all were asleep by 9:30, myself included. But then......
After a month of sleeping until at least 6:30, usually later, the newest lil DeStefano decides 5 am is a good wake up call on a Saturday. I quietly did what I could as to keep the others asleep. Why, I don't know, because they certainly weren't kind to me kicking, pushing and sitting up in the bed talking and screaming in their sleep, half giving me a heart attack. ALL.NIGHT.LONG. But hey, I chose to have the sleepover, so my bad. Finally, we get up for the day. And this next part is somewhat hazy as I went from one thing to the other. But here it goes....
I first started by wiping a bottom, not mine, for one who had a bit of a problem if you get my drift. And her drift that early in the morning was not what I wanted. I followed that up by going to brush my teeth only to see my sweet dog Zach sliding around on the tile floor on some type of liquid. I know I haven't dripped water, so I look and what, what's that? Oh, just Jeter peeing on my comforter, stepping in it, jumping down off the bed to pee some more on the carpet and walk it all over the tile in the bathroom. I get that cleaned up, except the comforter because I have no clue how it's going to be cleaned only to discover the damn dog is now vomiting, all over my Pottery Barn dining room rug. Now, I walk in there slowly as to now scare the friggin SHIT Tzu because I learned my lesson last week chasing Zach around as he's throwing up, it only made things worse and my entire living room was christened. I say come on Jeter, calmly (or as calm as I could with that dog) and he then runs to the foyer to vomit some more. WONDERFUL. As I walk him through the living room.....holy heck what is that stinch? I toss Jeter outside, ok I didn't literally toss him, don't want PETA flagging my posts.....I come back in and the baby is whining. Hmmm, stinch found. I pick her up and she's wet. I can handle that. We go to change and Mother Mary it's a blowout. Clothes and all. Bottom wipe, not mine, #2. Well, technically #3 since I did The Silent Assassin twice. Folks. This all happened before 9 am and before coffee.
All I have to say here is that I hope you enjoyed a good laugh at my expense. Because I'm not laughing. And I have now duly noted this so that when I say "babe, momma is going out" I can recall this day and remind him about how well deserved my few hours away will be. I will survive the next 24 hours, I will survive the next 24 hours, I will survive......lather, rinse, repeat.