Yoooooo Gabba Gabba!

Well, we did it. We attended a kid show. We have been to the Circus before and other various kid type shows, but never a TV show like this one. And I must say, it was fairly entertaining! I was so happy when I heard it was at the Cedar Park Center. GREAT venue. Not many bad seats in the house, if at all. Well, let me back up. At first we were on the floor, but when we realized after 2 numbers that there were some empty seats in the "stadium" area, we took those and could see much better. The show was completely kept our girls entertained and in awe the entire time. Annnnnd I have to be honest and say the highlight for Dave and I was to see Biz Markie pop out and beat box and spin a bit! All of the parents in the audience were going crazy. I'd post a pic or video, but my "old school" iPhone didn't have a flash to pick up the madness. The show went just like it would on TV. So I felt like I knew what was coming next. Sadly, yes, I have seen that much Yo Gabba Gabba. But at least I wasn't the lady wearing the belt, backpack, dangly toy and kid completely decked out in the gear as well. And that wasn't from the show, they showed up in it! I suppose we all do what our kids love though, huh? I'd definitely recommend seeing that show. I've also been told Imagination Movers puts on a good one.....guess that may be next on my list. It was the second show I've seen at the Cedar Park Center, and I believe I may just become a CPC fan on Facebook now to stalk the future events there. Great venue. Great show.

Yooooooo Gabba Gabba!

Hello Friends, it's time to DANCE! Yo Gabba Gabba Live! It's Time to Dance! will perform live at Cedar Park Center on December 4th at 2pm and 5pm. Are you ready? For discounted tickets CLICK HERE and enter promo code YGG40 to save!

Have fun!

Words to live by.....

I have this framed in my room with a picture of both of my girls. I should print it and hang it on the fridge and then put a copy in my purse and take it everywhere I go. Why can't I live these words??? I read them so often.....nonetheless, here it is....

Just For Today
by Sally Meyer

Just for this morning,
I am going to smile when I see your face...
and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning,
I will let you wake up softly in your flannel p.j.'s...
and hold you until you are ready to stir.

Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear...
and I will say how beautiful you are.

Just for this morning,
I will step over the laundry to pick you up...
and take you to the park to play

Just for this morning,
I will leave the dishes in the sink...
and let you teach me how to put your puzzle together.

Just for this afternoon,
I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off...
and sit with you in the garden
blowing bubbles.

Just for this afternoon,
I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you
scream and whine for the ice cream truck...
and I will buy you one, if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon,
I won't worry about what you are going to be
when you grow up...
I will simply love you for the joy you bring me

Just for this afternoon,
I will let you help me make cookies...
and I wont stand over you . . . trying to 'fix things.'

Just for this afternoon,
I will take you to McDonald's and buy us both a 'Happy Meal'...
so you can have two toys.

Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms and tell you the story of how you
were born...
and how much we love you.

Just for this evening,
I will let you splash in the bathtub...
and I won't get angry when you pour water over your sister's
head.

Just for this evening,
I will let you stay up late...
while we sit on the porch swing
and count all the stars.

Just for this evening,
I will bring you glasses of water...
and snuggle beside you for hours...
and miss my favorite t.v. show.

And tonight when you are sleeping safe and warm in your bed,
I will think of the mothers and fathers
who mourn for the children they have lost.

I will remember the parents who sit by hospital beds,
watching over the little ones they love.

I will weep for those parents whose children are cold,
hungry and suffering,

and .... this evening,
when I kneel down to pray,
I will simply be grateful for all that I have

and not ask for anything...

except just one more day.


© copyright 1999 Sally Meyer

Happy Birthday to my Angel....

Today was my due date. I would have baby number three (or 4 technically), most likely in my arms. I'm a little sad about that, but I do take comfort knowing that I have two angels in Heaven watching over my two angels here on earth. However, it doesn't make it any easier. I guess with our first loss, grief was taken over by joy when I got pregnant with our sweet Sophia. This one has been a different process. Grief has set in for the long haul. I know there is no time period to get over any type of loss, so I'm allowing myself to feel it, but I sure wish I got to meet these little ones instead of the sorrow that came instead. Rylee continues to talk about and pray for our babies in Heaven. What a sweet heart she has. Her dinner time prayers mention them at least once a week. And if you didn't know, the babies are up there playing with our deceased cat Dylan. What fun! I'm glad they too havev a pet. Perhaps today is a bit harder because of all of the friends I have who were due date buddies and have been having their sweet babies. Followed by the tragic losses of 9/11 and all of the specials on tv. And the loss of a community member to cancer who have children not much older than mine. Seems like a sad time. I do know tomorrow is a new day, but my heart seems to break today. I certainly don't mean to be a debbie downer, but I think accepting and realizing what is going on around me is okay too. It's ok to be sad sometimes. As long as I can pick myself right back on up, right? I wore my special necklace today, although it's not much different from any other day. It has a disc with my girls names, Rylee and Sophia, along with two angels to represent our other angels. I write not for an "I'm sorry" or to bring anyone down, just to share my story and to comfort those who know what I'm feeling. It sure helps me to get it out. I am glad for the renewed life I'm seeing though. All of these new babies at this time comfort me in that it is the circle of life. Hug those babies tightly and love on them a bit extra for me. :)

In Him......

Kids say the darndest things....

Just a quick one today, but certainly no less funny and notable. As I was getting the Silent Assassin dressed for bed last night, we pulled out a t-shirt that her sister recently received from attending a Vacation Bible School. This was definitely an exciting event. With pure joy on her face she looks at me and begins cheering. She then says "NO WAY, REALLY?!?!?!" (as in, I actually get to wear this shirt that sissy wouldn't even let me touch before), so I say, yes! Really!! To which she replies "NOW I AM IN THE BIBLE!".....in the Bible huh? I had no idea wearing a shirt could get you there. If that's the case, perhaps I'll wear it. Wonder which section I can now read about Sophia in.....I'm off to research.

Snakes in the grass...

Oh this was not so funny until after I got to thinking about it. We got a puppy, a 5 month old Shih Tzu appropriately named "Jeter". I failed to blog about him, but don't worry, he shall soon be added because he's about as funny as these kiddo's. So today we took him outside to do his business. As he's roaming around the Silent Assassin in true silent assassin form, escapes to the side of the yard. The AC unit is over there with rocks and all kinds of things that could be bad for kiddo's. So I head over there to say get outta there and come inside, after all, we're still in jammies and had no shoes on. (shhhh don't tell Dave) And as I'm saying this Rylee, who we all know as the Instigator but should be renamed Rylee the Dramatic, starts screaming "RAINBOW SNAKE!" Let me side note here that this snake was previously seen by the home of our family of frogs who live in a drainage area in the yard, but we hadn't seen him since. Of all days to make his grand re-entrance.....so I say just walk closely to the fence and come here. The waterworks continue, the screaming gets louder and about that time Jeter comes running over. Being a puppy he just bounces and runs and is excited, which is super cute by the way, but this particular time he bounced and sat right on the snake!! Rylee starts screaming louder and is frozen in her tracks. The more she screams, the more excited Jeter gets and the more freaked out this rainbow snake gets. At this point I'm feeling pretty helpless. This is all unfolding like a movie. And would require strategic timing of exiting stage left. From here it goes quickly. Jeter is sitting on the snake, Rylee is screaming and Sophia is looking to us all for approval. The snake then freaks out and starts after Rylee, she starts doing some hot coals type dance with her feet and screams louder, Jeter gets more excited, I'm screaming JUST COME HERE, Sophia is still frozen and now crying.....the snake then coils itself on the fence, the girls run away while screaming JETEEEEERRRRRRR, I watch the snake who goes into the neighbors yard (sorry about that G family), and the dog is still bouncing around and wagging his tail. I find the girls standing on the back porch screaming, crying and shaking, the dog is following me and is still oblivious to his snake sit and I have no idea who to console. We go inside, thankful this was not the coral snake we previously found in the yard and I begin to laugh. Probably not that funny, but seriously, it was the most dramatic scene I've seen in a long time. What will happen tomorrow, sheesh, it's only Monday....

She doesn't like boys....

At least for now. I'm learning a lot this summer. Er, re-learning I should say. Rylee went to camp today. Let me note that this is at her old Christian Preschool. For kiddo's 9 months to 5 years before Kinder. She was joined by a few familiar faces and some that I had not seen before. I leave her there for 4 hours of fun and return to collect her and her things. I ask her "did you have a good day" and she proceeds to tell me all of the fun things they did. Her fun includes, but was not limited to, painting a car, riding cars, gym time and learning that ole saying "boys drool, girls rule!". What? I tune back in, because let's be honest, the child talks and talks and talks and I often check out. Come on, she is my child. Her sister is quickly learning. Anyhoo, did she just say boys drool, girls rule? She repeats it over and over after noticing I'm chuckling quietly. I asked her where she heard this, to which she replies, from my friend Ava, she's a new friend. Aha. I recall seeing this said "Ava" as I was picking her up. She is probably two heads taller than Rylee. All of this got me thinking more about this whole Kindergarten thing. I am quite afraid of the things I'm about to start hearing. Especially when she gets around older kids who have older siblings. Shoot, at this rate, the child is going to ask me to go on her first date by the 5th grade! I pointed out that her current "BFF's" include boys, so obviously at this point they don't "drool" and she then listed them out, in order of her favorites of course. Perhaps she's sneakier than I know. Her Daddy has vowed to clean his gun at the poker table full of his biggest buddies the day a boy comes to pick her up. We should really watch out for this one.....

And so it begins....

Perhaps I should rename the Instigator to The Sass-master. It's a name I'm thinking of copyrighting. We recently spent a fun day out with the girls. On our way home we stopped into the gas station for something. As Dave runs in, I hear an old familiar tune. So naturally, I pump up the volume. Now, the girls aren't really digging it like I am, but that's ok. At least for the moment it's not Kidz Bop. Dave returned to the car to get in on the action. He's just as thrilled as I am. And I want to say it's Journey playing. Who wouldn't jam to Journey? It really is moot. As we're pulling out I hear an awesome drum solo and decide that I too, need to have my own drum solo using my hands and steering wheel. You just sometimes have to make do. As I wrap up my totally awesome solo my Sass-master, ahem Rylee, rolls her eyes at me and says, and I quote "Ummmm, embarrassing!!!!" Embarrassing I say? You don't KNOW embarrassing! I proceeded to tell her that if she thought that was bad, and at only 5, she has a lifetime of problems ahead of her and that I will make a point to bring back the running man and roger rabbit at her 6th grade dance if she calls me embarrassing again. Now I don't really mean that, I mean, I'd much rather bring back the funky chicken. I kid, I kid. I wouldn't do that to my girls, but it sure was fun to say right back to the sass-master herself.

Bone to pick...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dora, I am beginning to think you don't listen to me. I commended you for performing and putting on such a wonderful and educating show, however, I have already asked you to pipe down. For instance, when Benny the Cow has the hiccups and is running around yelling "Hiiiiii cccuuupppp, ohhhhhh", it is in no way, shape or form an invitation for you to tell MY KIDS to "YELL" while counting to 10. Not to mention, counting 1, 2 3....and so on isn't going to get rid of these said hiccups. Perhaps the real problem is that you're talking to a cow in the first place? I'll move past that for a minute to again address this issue that I have with yelling. My children already cannot distinguish between inside vs. outside voice, so when you come into my house telling them to yell the numbers 1 through 10 to help Benny the Cow get rid of these hiccups, you are really, well, ticking me off. How is this appropriate? When you get home, will your mother approve of this yelling in her house? I think not. So if you want to continue to yell things at your supposed friends, who are cows and a weird monkey in boots, then so be it, but let's leave my children out of it por favor. Comprende? I also would like to take this moment to address the real issue at hand because let's face it, it seems that you just have a lack of parenting here. We very rarely see your parents. Perhaps they work, perhaps they are at home making a good home cooked meal, point is, they have not taught you well. Sure, you can count and you can get through the rainbow forest to the magic mountain only navigating with "Map" while singing a pretty little diddy for your Map friend, but honestly, I think it's time to go home and spend some quality time with good ole Mommy and Poppy. Perhaps then you would know the following:
1) you need not befriend random animals
2) these journey's your going on are unsafe for someone your age
3) again you're yelling and teaching others that this is in fact "okay"

I don't mean to come down on you and sound so harsh, after all, my girls aren't perfect, but I sure as heck don't let them yell as much as you do. And for what its worth, I bet cows don't really get the hiccups. So grab your map and your magic backpack and head on home. Dinners on the table.

Misconceptions about Easter...

I realize it is my duty, along with the Church, to teach our children about Easter and God. However, there are a few things that were taught correctly, yet translated, well, a little bit like this.....

Me - Rylee, do you know the meaning of Easter?
R - Yeah, Easter bunnies and candy!
Me - Nope, do you remember what Christmas is?
R - Yes, Jesus was born.
Me - YES! Well, he died and on Easter he came back!!
R - Yeah, he died from those Kidney Stones!

Let me make note that I did correct this one. But her translation was that since they stoned him, and Daddy had kidney stones....it's all the same, right? Another time, another day....

R - Did you know Jesus is going to rise again?
Me - Yes! I sure do!
R - Yep! He'll be at Church on Sunday! I can't wait to see and meet him!

Again, I explained that while it would be great to in fact meet the man, I don't quite think we will see him as we see each other. Although I sure do have some questions....Jesus, if you're reading this, you can call me at 923....well, you probably have my digits.

Our Easter was certainly fun, entertaining and good! Sophia ate four eggs of jelly beans and "beans" (aka M&M's) before the hour of 8 am. I entered their room to find her sitting in bed, with the basket, screaming about what the Easter bunny brought her while chewing M&M's and with a chocolate smile....gotta love it. Rylee of course stole all of the Easter eggs that the "Easter bunny" left for them. In true older sister fashion of course. Ahhh "holidays"....creating memories to talk about at the Thanksgiving dinner table for years to come......

Our very own Picaso...

My morning came late today. But that's okay because I showered last night to meet my Mom to Mom group for a "late" dinner. I say late because, let's face it, we eat with the elderly. Or at least at the same time they do. I don't mean to say we have groups of elderly come to our house for dinner, but we eat at the same time my Grandparents do. Some of my friends think this is such an odd practice, but hey, when you're used to eating at 5:30 and one day you eat "late" your stomach will let you know "I'm here and I'm not happy with you". Wow, little sidetracking. Back on target. So I woke up at 7:45 thinking oh.my.stars I'm going to be late and today is "Easter" day at school! I had to get the girls fed, dressed and in the car in t-minus 45. No bueno. I start my rushing around, and again remembering that I showered the night before so I can pull off the just-got-dressed-today-no-bathing look. As soon as I am up to brush my teeth The Instigator comes in bursting into tears about how "sissy took her pen and put it in my hair and pulled my hair!" Now, one can only wonder at this point, how did this happen? Well, let me fill you in. They got new pads and pens yesterday at Office Max. You know, the type of purchase that is the "YES YOU CAN HAVE IT JUST BEHAVE!" All day yesterday they used their colored gel pens to color and draw me pretty pictures and pictures for a friend who just had a baby. Sweet, right? All fine and dandy until the pens miraculously made their way into their bedroom. As I walk in, fearing what I might find and assessing the damage, I find that Sophia's white sheets have been "decorated" with the pink gel pen. I counted to 3, or maybe 10, and decided at this moment, it wasn't worth it to change. However, I did have a lecture ready. I told the Instigator it was her fault for allowing these pens into the room soley for sleeping purposes and I informed the Silent Assasin who was in rare form that it was her fault for coloring somewhere besides on paper only. After all, we have discussed where pens, markers, crayons or any other form of ink belong. PAPER ONLY. Surely this was a slip, surely my girls know better than to paint a masterpiece on their beds? One could only hope, right? So as I'm lecturing they both quickly get into their respective beds and hide under the covers. The scene of the crime. At least I can say that in reading this, I have found humor in it, and perhaps I should take a picture of it to share later, you know, to go along with the sheets of stickers that I found stuck to the wall when Rylee was about this age......good fun!

Save the drama for your mama....

Oh how I'm shocked at how girl drama has already started. Two girls = great fun, three girls = catty drama. I realize I cannot be a helicopter parent, nor would I ever want to be. Typically my motto is "let them work it out", but seeing the sad little face of a little one with hurt feelings kills me. I hate thinking about next year. This Kindergarten stuff is really hitting me. She's going off into the world of public school, or school period (not her sheltered Christian Preschool) and no longer in my safe bubble. I am now entering into a world of catty-ness for the next, oh, 15 years?!?! Yuck yuck yuck. I don't recall it starting with me until I was probably 9 or 10. Of course, now they start dating at that age right!!?!?! My how things change. And my how things look so different being the parent and not the kid. I'd like to wrap them up in my bubble and keep them safe forever. Ho hum. I can only hope that I have equipped her with the right skills to walk away and be strong enough to deal with, well, life. You know what I mean girls, we're still in this catty "phase" and from what I'm told by older women, it doesn't get much better. Terrible. I used to do a thought of the day (TOTD) and I believe now I will start a prayer of the day (POTD). So here goes it.....

POTD:
Matthew 5:44-45
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

More comedy hour with Rylee D.

Oh the questions she asks. Where does she get them? Better yet, how do I answer them? I swear, I thought my mom was a freakin' genius. No way that woman knew all the answers....now I know, she may not have, she just answered. And I'm just sayin' that I still ask her these questions, nearly 32 years later, I'm still full of "what if's".....Here goes it:

1) Why do you have hair under your armpits? (for the record, I don't, it was more like a 5 o'clock shadow at the end of the day), but this always makes for good fun when she's singing a song about "Mommy has armpit hair" while you're on the phone with someone. Good thing it was a good friend, but mid sentence it was "WHAT did she just say?"

2) What if you ate 100 dinners? You would get a Faaaaaaat tummy like _______" - Real life names have been blanked out to protect those we love. And want to continue loving. Or want to continue to love us at least. Sheesh I hope that question was only for my ears!

3) Do boys sometimes wear girls underwear? - Obviously my answer was, no, boys wear underwear, girls wear panties. I think the talk about transsexuals is probably a bit too early. ;) Then again, she often takes her shirt off at night with her jammie pants because she wants to "sleep like Daddy".....

This child. Oy. My Mom has said it many times, and I agree, I'm in T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

More talks with an almost 5 year old....

Scene:
In the car.

Characters:
Mommy & Rylee, by-stander, Sophia

Time Period:
After school on the way home.

Scene 1, Take 1:

Rylee:
I need to go get a baby bra.

Mommy:
*Laughing* A WHAT?

Rylee:
A Baby BRA! You get them from HEB.

Mommy:
Uh huh......

Rylee:
Yeah they're little for little people like me and you can get them from HEB. They cover you up under your shirt and you don't show cousins, friends, teachers....

Mommy:
*Really tuning in*....uh huh, a bra, so who told you about this bra?

Rylee:
_______ at school, she has one. She wears it under her shirt so that nobody can see her boobies, that's what they're for. But since I'm little I need a baby bra and you can get them from HEB, so, can we go there and get one?

Mommy:
*Hysterical*....sure sweetie, we'll look next time we go.

Holy mother of goats these are Pre-k'ers! What's in store for me in Kinder? Tampons? Maybe I'll homeschool..... ;)

Ode to Monday.

So far today.....

1) I woke up to powder sugared donuts everywhere. I position foods, snacks, drink, etc to where the girls can get them. I'm starting to rethink this move. I came into the kitchen to find a shirtless, soggy diaper, powdered sugared mouth toddler crumbling up the donuts and throwing them on the floor. Then the child looks at me as if I'm stupid and says "sissy did it".....let it be known that "sissy" was no where to be found, so her blatant lie did no good.

2) As I walk around to assess the damage of these two roaming the house alone, I discover a brown substance on the stairs. I bend down and Holy Monkey it's poop. I grab a nearby wipe and go to town. No dice, this one requires Oxy Clean. Apparently after destroying the playroom upstairs and ditching their shirts, the diaper shirtless wonder pooped then scooted down each step leaving behind a trail. You know, similar to that of a dog scooting on the carpet. Good fun. It wasn't even 8:30.

3) We left the house, ran some errands, squeezed in some me time at the gym and headed home for lunch. I leave the scene of the breakfast crime long enough to walk in my room and back to discover Sophia dumping her entire box of goldfish in my slipper. IN MY SLIPPER! What is that about?!?!!? She goes to eat one and I catch her mid act. I toss the goldfish, clean out my slipper and attempt to lecture about how we don't eat goldfish out of slippers until I realize what I'm saying...."we don't eat goldfish out of slippers"?!??! Why do I even have to put those words into a sentence?

4) I get lunch ready, unload some dishes and by 2 pm attempt to make myself some lunch. As I'm opening my can of black beans, the black psycho racist cat we have comes running. (really, she's whacko) Then I hear the moan. You know the moan no animal naturally lets out unless something is terribly wrong? I know this one too well though. Did I also mention the cat is bulimic? She decided today was a good day to go up to the destroyed playroom and proceed to eat the fake grass skirt brought back from Hawaii for Rylee as a dress up set, come downstairs, let her presence be known and vomit up green stringy skirt goo. Not once, but twice.

I wonder what else today has in store for me......man, it's only Monday! I was given a violent thrust back to reality and hearing faint voices saying "vacation, pssshh, welcome back".

When to move on?

It's been three weeks. Three weeks since surgery and three weeks since we lost our baby. And somehow that feels like a lifetime ago. I am trying to get back into a "normal" routine of working out, running, church, etc. Definitely not easy. Most days I'd rather sit at home and sleep. But I don't. Especially with these two crazy cats! I found myself talking to a friend yesterday at the gym and starting to cry. I felt pretty silly crying in the gym, so she made a joke (as all good friends should) and helped me stop before I really got going. But I also left thinking, sheesh Alison pull yourself together! So my question of the day, to send out into the void is when am I supposed to move on? Although another friend said it well "you're not moving on, you're moving forward". And again, this was an early loss, but our second, so I'm having trouble "moving forward". I was told to keep writing, to help my feelings at least get off my chest and somewhere else. It does help. But I also read other blogs or stories and man do I feel like a big baby. Surely I should be stronger than this. Hey, I guess at least I have the worlds funniest two girls to keep me smiling. One who tells me today that she has a date to the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie (at least she's no longer calling it the Diarrhea Kid) and one who calls M&M's "beans"....they give me the best stuff to write in their baby books!

Privacy, what's that?

What is it about the bathroom or shower that screams "kids, come in here"? Hi, I'm Alison and I haven't peed alone in nearly 5 years. What's a girl gotta do to get some privacy? We have had talks about it, I have locked doors, I have screamed and yelled, but do I get 5 minutes to shave or a short 30 second trip to go to the bathroom? Not without kids I don't. What was I thinking. I really didn't even notice how much of any issue this was until my girls spent the night at my Brother's house one time. My Sister-in-law pointed out how she was trailed into the bathroom and flat out said "I don't need help" and around they turned and walked out. What the. Seriously, I have said that! I just want some "pee peace". It's a new word. Spread it around. I'm quite sure there are a lot of other Mom's who would love some. And don't even get me started on shower time. We have a glass shower. There is absolutely no privacy. I shut the doors and go as quickly as possible, but about the time I'm applying the conditioner, I hear them opening. And then shut, then open, then shut, then open.....Sophia thinks French doors are fun! How can a hot bath ever be relaxing to that sound? *open, shut, open, shut, open......STOP IT!!!!!!!! I, again, should say that I'm thankful to have these little disturbances, but gone are the days when I could do anything in peace. I mean, I thought that when I had my last child (or so I thought would be my last) that I'd only have to be violated once a year, you know, at that fun Dr. all women love to visit annually. But no, just have yourself some children and you throw that right, right out the window. And let me also note that it seems to get worse once they start with playdates. Last week I oh so naively thought that because there was a friend over that I'd be able to sneak away to have that pee peace I so desperately long for, boy was I wrong. Instead what happened was I hear the little voices getting closer and closer. I open the door and bam, little faces, including that of "the friend" who was over. YIKES! I need a door sign that is age appropriate and means, "turn yourself around and go back to where you came from" when they hit the doorway!

Sometimes, you just can't.....

There are some things you just have to deal with in life. Today, aside from the frigid temps, it was a poopy diaper. Well, let me say that this is an everyday occurrence. Sometimes I am lucky enough to not deal with it, you know, on Tuesday/Thursday's when my precious pamper wearing sweet girl goes to the Church preschool. Those are good days. I mean, of course I miss her, but a non-poop day is a good one. After recent events, I also have to insert that I am thankful, in an odd way, that I do have poop days. That means I have a precious little pooper and some don't get that special little treat. However, today, was an extraordinary poop day. I'm sitting at the computer stalking Facebook,er I mean, researching and being productive, and "holy mother of goats what is that smell?" Really I don't have to ask, but I tried to ignore it for a while. After about 5 minutes, it permeated the room. Again, I try to ignore it and continue on with my "research". Finally, the Instigator says to her "sissy, YOU STINK!" About this time the phone is ringing. Of course, because everyone should have to endure that rancid smell while on the phone. My theory, you called my house during this whole thing, you should have to suffer via phone wires right along with me. It's my Mom, she sure as heck is going to hear about this one. Since I just went through surgery, I still cannot lift this little diaper wearing gal, so I get the wipes, the diaper and I set up shop back at the scene of the crime. After all, why let the smell ruin another room in the house. We can always move. I unzip the footed jammies, I carefully open the diaper and my sweet word it's worse than I thought. This will be one day that I can honestly say I'm thankful I'm not pregnant because I surely would have lost my breakfast. I take care of the sewage in her pants, properly dispose of it, let my Mom know it's one of the worst diapers known to man and wrap it up. Perhaps in this 17 degree ridiculous-ness, we'll work on potty training. Nobody should have to discover a diaper like that one, let alone have to be responsible for it. Nobody.

Goodbye Sweet Angel

It's been a while, but then again, we have not exactly had a "normal" schedule around here. I am posting to get my feelings out. Somewhere, somehow, I need to vent. I am sitting here typing from bed as I rest and heal physically from a surgery and emotionally from a loss. We lost another baby. And although it was early on, it still hurts, again. I'm at loss for why we would have to endure this pain again, but I know that He has bigger plans for us. This pregnancy was a surprise baby #3. The pregnancy was a rough start and I had a feeling from the beginning that something wasn't right. The same feeling I had with our other loss. I wished I didn't have that feeling, but I did. Things seemed to turn around after several rounds of bloodwork, so we got excited and told our daughters. They were ecstatic. We even filmed their reaction. We should have waited, but wanted to share our excitement. Monday I had a routine ultrasound, which turned into a necessary one after days of pain and some other issues. Once we got to the Doctor and they told me my blood results from the previous week, I knew something was wrong. I didn't even have to see the ultrasound. There was no baby, or at least not in the right spot. We found out it was ectopic. My heart sank. This baby, who was a surprise, and so wanted, was being taken away from us. Why would we be handed a blessing only to have it taken away? I'll never understand. I know others have been through this, and close friends who have endured worse pain than an early loss like this, but it doesn't make it less real. It was a baby. Our baby. And it's gone to heaven to be with our other angel baby. Tuesday I went through surgery. I have three incisions much bigger than I thought they would be. I'm physically healing, but emotionally I'm a wreck. I'm so grateful for the two beautiful daughters that we have. I know so many people aren't even blessed with that. I have hugged them more tightly than ever. But my heart truly is broken. I know in time it will heal, but I feel that I will always feel a little incomplete. We have sent two babies to heaven and I so longed to just meet them. One day I will. Our oldest daughter said the baby went to heaven to see the cat that passed away years ago. Such a sweet little heart she has. I don't post this for sympathy, just to get it off my chest. I will come out stronger in the end, but my heart does ache. Maybe God will bless us again, maybe He won't. Until then, I just pray and send my two angels all my love.